Artistic Outlets

[MGee]

So recently, I started vlogging on YouTube to try to keep myself from daydreaming. I've only done 3 days worth of it, but I highly recommend it. I think as emotional introverts, we use our daydreaming to cope with so much that we maybe aren't even aware of how little we actually process our own feelings. I started my channel on the premise of Anxiety & Depression and plan to get into more of my issues (MDD and others) as I feel more comfortable with the process.

My main reason for starting this vlogging journey was to force myself to get out of my house, out of my head, and into the world - or else I will have no content for a video. The best part about videos is that it is all editable, which gives a sense of control in the situation because you don't HAVE to put something in if you choose not to.

I just wanted to share this because it's been a great experience for me and keeping me from daydreaming for the past few days now and has been so crazy recapping my days and is honestly helping me get to know myself better... I will say it is incredibly overwhelming at first to go from avoiding reality to facing it completely and I've already had to take days off, but I think any progress is good progress.

This is the latest Vlog i posted if you are interested in getting an idea of what I'm talking about:

https://youtu.be/TIkzvTwIHU4

Has anyone else ever tried something like this before?

[Dreamcatcher]

Hi MGee. I saw part of that Vlog and I think it's awesome and brave of you do something like that, especially with the level of anxiety that you experience. I struggle a lot from social anxiety, so the idea of making a Vlog is still pretty overwhelming for me. However, I am currently taking a class at a CommCollege and am doing an internship where I'm interacting with clients and my supervising staff. That has been really helpful in curbing both my anxiety and my MDD.

It terms of artistic outlets, Im hoping to get a chance to continue doing art and finding other ways to occupy myself from MDD like reading, journaling, watching tv shows, and meditation.

Thanks for posting your Vlog! It's a great source of inspiration and I'm  hoping to watch more soon :)

[MGee]

Thanks for you let feedback & support, I really appreciate it :)!

That's awesome you are doing those things to help your social anxiety. It's definitely difficult, sometimes seemingly impossible, to pull yourself out of the fear and feelings that come with social anxiety.

It's a process for sure and the progress is so slow (at least in my experience) that it can be defeating sometimes.

Thank you again for the support and I wish you the best with your class and internship! It sounds like it's a great opportunity :)!

[Dreamcatcher]

I couldn't agree more! Most times I try to to overcome my anxiety, I feel like I'm going to die. Trying to overcome the fears related to that experience is a process in itself too. I think I've had this since the 3rd grade, along with my MDD, and I'm 24 now (raaahhhh). I've come a long way after 16 years and have been able to find different techniques to do class presentations without freezing and collapsing. But it's still very much there and has become a limiting factor in finding a career that I enjoy but have to do a lot of group interactions. I'm trying to make that a challenge for myself to make some changes. The same for my depression as well.

How long have you had MDD, if I may ask? Did experience it the same time around when your anxiety and depression arose?

And thank you so much for your support!

[MGee]

I totally relate to you on this and agree completely. It gives me anxiety when I don't feel like I'm making enough progress with overcoming social anxiety (lol), which sounds so ridiculous when I say it. In my head I know that people are just people and that I blow everything out of proportion with social anxiety, but for some reason it's so hard to think and feel that way when I'm actually with people.

I specifically remember having issues with anxiety in first grade at school. I kind of think I always had anxiety - I don't think depression happened until I was more like 7th or 8th grade though.

As far as daydreaming goes - I have no idea when it started because I think I always did it - I just didn't hide it until I was older because I thought it was normal and just what having an imagination was. I always had elaborate worlds and loved creating ongoing stories with characters. I even used to make my younger siblings play characters in them and I made them basically remember the storyline like a script or something lol. I have multiple stories now, but the one that I'm most attached to started when I was 12 and is still going on now.

But I definitely feel you on the frustration and hardships of continuing to fight anxiety, Mdd and everything together. It's a weird feeling to force yourself to not use daydreaming as an immediate go-to with anxiety and depression because it is my natural instinct at this point. It really sucks and it's super difficult because it truly makes me feel better in the moment :/.

[Dreamcatcher]

I can relate to that mindset. When I think about it conceptually, I wonder: their just people like me. So what? But then I get into the social situation and I just want to get away or say absolutely nothing, especially if there a more than a few people around me. It's just a matter of practice though. I realized the more I ran from it, it just got worse and worse. When I started to ease in using close friends and family with me, I've slowly started to overcome it in baby steps. However, I have far ways to go, especially with being myself. I am so deathly afraid of doing that to this day.

I absolutely agree. It makes me anxious and upset with myself when I cannot overcome my anxiety and other issues, and then to make myself feel better, I sort of indulge in daydreaming to forget the pain and disappointment. But then I get more depressed and anxious because my life gets interfered with by the daydreaming. It's this vicious cycle of constant guilt and being upset with myself. But I guess this also takes practice too. I'm starting to reconnect with my passion of art, writing, reading, and if none of those, watching Youtube or TV shows in lieu of daydreaming. Your idea of making Vlogs sounds like a great one. I hope making them helps you in the way you want it too :).


And that's an interesting experience with your daydreaming.  My mom and brother (and possibly my dad) know I pace a lot to music, but they have no idea why! Has the story that you've been most attached to evolved over the years?

And sorry for the late reply!

[MGee]

I definitely feel you on that. I always try to avoid and run away from social situations as much as I can, but you're right. it makes it worse and worse the more I allow myself to do it. I'm also afraid to be myself. I don't know. I get so overwhelmed and hopeless about the progress I make sometimes. It feels like I'll never "get" better. I don't ever understand why my brain is set up this way.

I feel like so many people find it easy to just be themselves and live life and be in reality. Makes me feel crazy that it's a struggle for me to participate in the real world. To have to constantly focus on being social or leaving my apartment, drives me crazy. I can literally stay in my apartment for days if no one makes me feel guilty for not leaving, which is so unhealthy.

I think reconnecting with art is one of the most important things for someone with MDD to do because it's a way for us to actually be productive while still not having to be fully in reality. At least it's not a waste of time like daydreaming is. There is something to show for the hours of thought process. 

I don't know what my family knows exactly about me. I have straight up told them that I have a condition called MDD and they have even read about it, but I just don't think people understand it if they don't do it. It's so far from their reality that it's hard for them to grasp. I have written a pilot script and started a book about the story I'm most attached to that people have read, but I still don't think they understand how MDD works and how this story is everything to me and has been since I was 12. 

The one I'm most attached to has definitely evolved over the years. The characters have all aged in real-time and gone through things in real-time like actual people would. How about you? Do you have multiple stories or one that you're most attached to?