I stopped daydreaming

[Liz]

Hi everyone! There seem to be quite a few people looking for ways to stop MDDing, so I figured I would share my story :)

I started daydreaming when I was around 11, mainly as a coping method to deal with ugly life events. In middle school, I would spend hours pacing, listening to music, and making up stories about all my characters. The daydreaming decreased throughout high school, never posing much of an issue. My day-to-day life was fairly unaffected. 

Then I hit my late teens...and things spiraled out of control. MDD began taking over my life, and everything I cared about. By the time I was 20, I was MDDing around the clock. At home, at work, in other people's company. Months and months slipped away without me realizing it. All I could think about were my made-up characters, and all the stories I was constantly imagining in my head. I could not connect to real-life people. I could not focus on the present. I was living in my own personal fantasized reality.

I tried stopping, so many times. Using sheer willpower, I used to FORCE myself to focus on the present. I would constantly try shoving daydreams out of my head. My record non-daydreaming time? Maybe half a day. By noon, I would be exhausted and worn out. My characters would easily slip back into my mind, and away I would go. This led to self-hatred at my own failures, and then total misery.

I could. Not. Stop. No matter how many times I promised myself “today is the last day”, I just couldn’t do it. 

Fast forward. I’m now 23.5. And guess what? I haven’t MDDed in close to six months! And there’s no fighting involved. I don’t miss it. No cravings to speak of. 

I’m living in reality again! When I walk around, I’m not floating in a fantasy bubble. There are trees, and flowers, and birds, and whole universe full of possibility. There are other human beings to connect to. A real life to live. 

How did I manage to stop? I realized that MDDing is nothing more than an addiction- just like alcohol, drugs, gambling, overeating, etc.  How do you stop an addiction? There are a number of methods, and I found a great one. Turns out there’s a small 12-step fellowship called Escapism and Fantasy Addicts Anonymous (EFAA) that has phone meetings weekly. They have powerful tools that work. You can find them on Google!

I wish the best of luck to anyone out there struggling. There’s a way out!

[Aquarius]

what tool worked especially for you? What was your key breakthrough moment

[Liz]

I got really honest with myself.

No matter how bad the daydreaming had been, I had never been brave enough to seriously face up to how dire the situation was. I wasn't willing to admit to myself that I had a real PROBLEM. It was always, "tomorrow I'll figure this out" or "one day I'll get over this thing." It was too scary to think about the fact that I was struggling with an actual addiction.

In order to seek a workable solution, or any tool at all, my first step was to be 100% willing to do anything to make a change. I had to really really want it.

Overcoming an addiction like this is not easy. In order to succeed, I needed to commit all the way. I had to honestly realize how doomed my life would be if I never stopped daydreaming, how messed up the situation was. I had to WANT to change. This is why many addicts only seek recovery when they "hit bottom"- when they reach a point that's so bad they can only go up. But anyone can reach bottom sooner by just being honest about the severity of an addiction.

[DebbieP.]

Yes, you've hit the nail on the head.  It's an addiction.  I think it's more like an addiction to food, you need to have a little in your life but then you overeat to the point where you're obese.  We all need to have the ability to daydream a bit - to imagine scenarios that might  happen in real life and then come up with solutions.  But this MDD - the creating of full blown stories than run for years - wow.  That type of behavior can destroy our lives.  It takes us out of the moment and out of life itself.  I started when I was about 7 to escape an abusive and dysfunctional home.  I'm now 58 and I think I wasted my life.  I know I did.  Oh I was able to get married a few times and I have children.  But I could never concentrate long enough to stay in college - so no degree and the self worth I missed not getting one.  Thankfully, all of my children are successful.  But I have social anxiety from not learning the basic social skills I needed as a child and young adult.  Those are important tools and you don't learn those in your daydreams because we can manipulate our characters.  You can't do that in real life.  You need to learn how to interact with people. I have many, many acquaintances because I am good with the superficial small talk but no real friends except for my husband.  And part of the problem is that after all these years of DDing, I don't even like to to do things with people.  But that's on me - my bad.  I become anxious or bored.  I never learned how to interact on a constant, consistent basis with real people.   MDD is so addictive that I even now, I can become easily sucked right back into a DD, as hard as I try to stay present.  I have to be really cognizant of my triggers.  I have up smoking 5 years ago, and it wasn't this hard, ugh :(  My advice to anyone who starts is to try and stop when you're young.  Don't let this ruin your life.  Because honestly, when you reach your 50s and all you've done is DD, you've wasted your life.  There is no other way to put it.

[Luce]

Don't say this, you didn't waste your life, and you're not less worthy than others only because you didn't get a degree, you could still get one if you wanted, I don't know where you're from but I'm from Italy and I know people that got a degree late in their life just because they were interested in a subject.

You have successiful children, so maybe if they became amazing adults it's also because of you, you must have been a good mother!

Also it's never too late to solve the stuff that is bothering you.

Thank you for the advices by the way,

I hope that daydreaming won't be a problem for any of us anymore :)

[Cheryl Wilkins]

Debbie P, I can really identify.  I DD'd my whole life away as well - purposefully alienated what friends I had so I could envelope myself in my other world.  I'm 61 now and feel like I lack the social skills to interact with others, and   can only bear so much small talk.  I'm better now as far as the daydreaming, but only because I'm addicted to the web - ha.  Go take some classes maybe or check out Coursera. :)

[Matheus F]

Nice words, you are absolutely right! DebbieP. life is bigger than you think!

Luce said:

Don't say this, you didn't waste your life, and you're not less worthy than others only because you didn't get a degree, you could still get one if you wanted, I don't know where you're from but I'm from Italy and I know people that got a degree late in their life just because they were interested in a subject.

You have successiful children, so maybe if they became amazing adults it's also because of you, you must have been a good mother!

Also it's never too late to solve the stuff that is bothering you.

Thank you for the advices by the way,

I hope that daydreaming won't be a problem for any of us anymore :)

[Matheus F]

Liz, you have a really good idea here. Im from Brazil, and I come here now and then. Ive realized MD is an addiction like other chemichal substances long ago, but I have never thought that the conventional treatments would solve it. I will try it as soon as I can, thanks for posting this!

[Liz]

Good luck Matheus!

Sometimes simple solutions work best :)

[Zack]

can u give me the link....? Please help me out... 

is this d link

http://www.efaanonymous.com/12x12/                    do i have to call them or just reading this link is enough..?

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