Running and Skipping in the dark

[Sage]

Hi everyone. I've been lurking for a while and managed to summon the courage to ask questions. I've had MD since I was 4. I'm 41 now. At first it was pacing. Then as my life got more traumatic ( alcoholic verbally abusive father...teased and bullied at school) I began to use music and began literally running and skipping. My mother caught me when I was in my 20's and I said I was exercising. At times my MD gets so bad I get headaches and spend days in the house daydreaming. I've been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I take mood stabilizers and anti depressants and the hardcore anxiety medication Ativan. The only time I was free of MD was when I was on the mood stablizer Depakote. But the side effects ( weight gain and tremor) was too much to handle. Ok here's my question: Do you literally run and skip (to music or without) and it has to be dark?

[Jenn]

Hi Sage,

I'm 36 and have had MD since I was 12 (that I can remember...it might have been before that), so I understand having it long term! From what I've read, people send to do different things when they are in the middle of a daydream, but I do think that a lot of people have some kind of movements with MD. Personally, I have always acted out my daydreams. I logically know that there is no one else in the room, but in my daydream I will "see" the people and physically talk to them out loud.  I think we all have things that make the daydreams more "real" for us.

[Sage]

Jenn,

Lately I have had trouble controlling my facial expressions when I'm out in public. Do you have that problem? Thanks for answering.

[Jenn]

I used to...I would be so in the middle of a daydream that I would just randomly be smiling or scowling or mouthing what I was saying in the daydream...whatever I was feeling in the daydream had the possibility of being on my face. It got called out on it enough (from friends or family asking why I was making a certain face), that I now make an effort to be much more present and not daydreaming when I'm out in public or around people.  Or if I am daydreaming, I will just be conscious of my facial expressions! :)

Sage said:

Jenn,

Lately I have had trouble controlling my facial expressions when I'm out in public. Do you have that problem? Thanks for answering.

[Sage]

I didn't realize I was doing it until people called me out on it. I literally hate this so much. My brain hurts.

[debbie downer]

i call what i do "pacing," but parents have caught me doing it and have described it as "stomping around" or "running back and forth." i'm not exactly sure what i do because i've never filmed myself or anything and i'm not very aware of what i'm doing as i'm doing it, but i get extremely out of breath from it afterwards. i think i run or speed walk, sometimes skip? it's not normal pacing by any means because if it was, i wouldn't be out of breath. i sometimes get pains in my side like the ones people get after running. and i'll do it at any brightness level in any room with or without obstacles in the way because i can't control it. my preference, though, is a well-lit room with a lot of space but not too much space.

[Sage]

Megan
I was so embarrassed when my mother caught me. I have to be in the dark, even in the daytime. And it is in the living room a big space. And it has to be to music. I have been doing this for so long! I googled to see if there was an actual video of someone doing what I do. There is none.

[Sage]

Daydream Believer, how did you stop?

[Sage]

Thank you. Daydreambeliever328. I'm trying something today. I'm wearing a rubber band in my wrist and snap it whenever a daydream starts. So far it's working.

[Sage]

I'm sorry your MMD is so tramatic for you. The rubber band didn't work. I realized it's stress related. Well I know it is. Immediately after an argument with a family member the MMD started.

[OhMyMagenta]

I'm 38 and have been daydreaming since I was 5 approximately. When I was little, I would play music on my mother's stereo & walk around the dining room table over & over again for hours daydreaming. I tended to play the same songs repeatedly, sometimes just one song on repeat for an hour straight, which drove my mom bananas. Eventually she just couldn't take it anymore & purchased me headphones, forcing me to sit while I listened to music. This was a difficult transition for me & it took quite some time to adjust. Since that time however, I have not felt compelled to move while DDing. I can sit comfortably with headphones on & DD without issue. I have caught myself making facial expressions or on the odd occasion will gesture with my hands, but that's the extent of my movements. I prefer to DD in the privacy of my own home, preferably when it's dark. As I am aware of the movements/expressions I make, I don't want to have to censor myself, so darkness is best. The only exception to this is when I'm driving. I have to be more aware of my actions when I'm sitting in traffic.

[Sage]

I'm glad I'm not alone. I seriously thought I was schizophrenic. I'm so humbled by everyone's responses. I have a cold today so I'm too sick to act out my MDD today.

[Stasia OBrien]

I actually - for years - use to rock back and forth to music in the dark when I MDD'd.  I haven't done it in years but it used to be daily.

I also pretend other people are with me and talk to them.

And, I have been known to "act out" stuff with facial expressions, etc.

It's so amazing how similar our experiences are.