Dreaming my life away random thoughts

[Sarah Smith]

I have read a few diffrent post and I gotta say it is nice to not be completely alone. 

While we all have the same issues with being drawn into fantasy our fantasy are of course unique to us. 

Some of us suffered some trauma but some like me did not.

I never saw it as an addiction but a faulty coping mechanism. Which of course was not coping but running away. I have survived on it for so long and I did write a lot in the beginning but the last few years. 

It appears to me that most of us have some trouble with real people and prefer those in our daydreams. At the most basic level because the daydream people are nice while real people can be mean. Of course it likely goes deeper than that for some of us. 

For me its about the various characters I make up and stories. So they are not always nice and supportive nor are they always mean or confusing in the way I find real people to often be. It depends on the story or scenario in my head. 

If we have issues with social situations or talking about MD they seem to be made worse when family, friends and doctors don't listen or say something hurtful. This personally is a huge fear for me because if I try to talk about it I am in my own way asking for help. (Trying to take action like they keep telling me to)  and when they don't listen and/or say hurtful things I of course recoil to the daydreams. 

To give an example. one of the physical symptoms I suffer from is fatigue. Fatigue that is at times so very bad that it scared the hell out of me the first few times it happened. I can only describe it as feeling like i'm drowning in quicksand. Mental and Physical exhaustion that I cant explain. I attempted to ask my doctor and some family members for help during these times of fatigue. (You gotta understand the first few times it happened I was scared as hell I really thought I had been drugged or some other horrible thing was seriously wrong)  Here I am in a pit of quicksand sinking deeper and deeper begging for help and the family who should love me and recognize something is very wrong just stands there watching me drown and does nothing. Or gets angry with me. They are suppose to know me and love me how can they think I WANT to be useless? To be an adult living with her parents? How can they possibly think for a second that I would do nothing for that long by Choice? This was just about the fatigue so I can only imagine if I tried explaining the daydreaming. 

[Fantasizin Farah]

Hello Sarah! :) Welcome to WMN! :)

I am so happy to be the lucky first person to reply to such an impeccably typed out post. Not a flaw in sight! ;)

Your excellent writing skills truly shines here.

Sarah, I could not help but nod my head(violently) at every bit of detail you bravely shared with us. I know, from what you described, exactly how you feel. 

Its not easy is it? Living with your mama and your dad while being grown(I live with my dad), having serious health concerns(I have lupus nephritis, require dialysis, been in asylums and nursing homes, among other things and I am only in my 20's O.o), and family who seem to care less(I only speak to my dad, one bro, and my mommy which is so rare that I must constantly speak my thoughts aloud).

But I feel the pain that radiates so vibrantly inside of your little beating heart. But there is "something" that keeps you going. You've got to hold on to that "something." I do not know what it is for you, but for me, I think its because I know I am here on this planet for a reason whether its great or small, it does not matter. 

I hope you keep pushing. Kick life back in the balls, stand up for yourself, and be strong. 

You are so welcome to inbox me on here anytime. ;)

Take care Sarah and please enjoy your stay here. Peace....

P.S. I might not reply immediately. I come on here very randomly at times, so please, please do not take that personally. K?

L8tr! I wish you the best. ^_^

[Sarah Smith]

Farah,

Firstly,

THANK YOU! 

Second

I found a few typos and I can bet I forgot some major punctuation. But you rock for saying otherwise! I stressed over it and edited a LOT so it was good to know that it was worth it.

Third,

Lupus nephritis. meaning full blown SLE ? Damn I am so sorry! (And in your 20s) I know well the hell of various autoimmune disorders my biological maternal grandmother had Rheumatoid Arthritis so sever she was in a nursing home/medical facility at a young age. Yeah it was that severe. Her brother and his wife adopted her two kids. (My mom and uncle) The irony is that his wife (My grandmother in every way that matters) Had lupus and raised her own kids, my mom, uncle, and balanced  a steady flow of foster kids. I had the less severe childhood form of RA. My eldest niece from my dads side of the family sadly has RA and Celiac Disease. Shes 21. 

Since I am replying like a Month late I gotta say no worries. That is one great thing about this site! No matter how long or how deep one of us wanders off into the woods we are returning to a community of other wanderers. 

Thank you again and message me anytime. I will always reply I just wont know when. lol 

P.S. sorry for the likely very crappy spelling in this post. :)