My battle with maladaptive daydreaming

[Just Me]

I am not sure how to start this. If anyone reads it, i'd be glad if you leave a piece of advice (if you know because it's getting out of hand lately).

I actually always lived more in my lala land than in real world. I just never thought it was something unusual, I thought everyone did it. Back when I was a kid, I hated going to kindergarten because it meant I had to skip my morning cartoons (which consisted of yugioh, sailor moon, dragon ball z, beyblade...they were mostly animes heh) and hang out with other kids. I mean I didn't hate hanging out with other kids I just wished I could spent that time watching my favourite cartoons and having mum read me stories ( I loved folklore stories and myths). I was also avid harry potter fan (and still am)

Then I think I stopped having this craving when I went to school. I don't want to sound arrogant I was always the bright kid, even in high school I maintained good grades even though my daydreaming was occupying most of my free time. So, I was actually living in "real world" for about five years but then my dad got sick and maybe it had to do something with it? One day I accidentally picked up my old sailor moon videotape and then it started. I think I was 12. I used to be such anime freak I don't even remember all the mass of it I watched. But I think in most of fantasies I usually daydream about guys. Or adventure. Something exciting. The problem is, I can't even focus or want to live in real world. This wasn't a problem until I started college, because now I actually need to study something to pass, and I can't focus when I want to daydream all time. 

Last week, really nice guy asked me out, and I just couldn't, because I'm basically obsessed with another guy from a book or movie or anime. One of my friends told me no person or event or job could ever compare to the one I have inside my head. And it's true unfortunately, I don't even know what do I want to do besides being left alone to daydream all day. I'm 19 now, I don't want to one day wake up from all this daydreaming and have my life over. I'm sorry to bother anyone, but this is just so frustrating. I can be good for few days but then I just feel this unimaginable craving.

Oh, I also use music a lot, I pace around my room. Sometimes I go for a walk with headphones and I don't  even look where I'm going I just imagine random scenarios inside my head. Like me being Frodo and destroying the ring. I am silly like that.

I like to write fanfictions too, poetry if I'm feeling brave. 

Ah I don't know, I wish I didn't have this. I really wish I didn't. It's preventing me from living normal life. 

[Eretaia]

True, right now, no person or event can compare to the life inside your head but that's not because people and life there happen to be more interesting or adventurous. The only reason fantasy feels more emotionally fulfilling than real life is because you're not being you when you daydream. If you met all those fictional people you fantasize about but you remained as you're in real life, would you be happy and fulfilled? Probably not. Even with them around, you'd still get cravings and feel as if a part of you were missing - all this because you're ultimately not comfortable with who you are. The only reason fantasy seems fulfilling and real life boring is because you are not here to live it.

What kind of fanfics do you write? Bring them on, I'm an anime junkie as well. ;D

[Just Me]

wow, you phrased it better than myself about myself . In my daydreams (if they involve me, sometimes they don't, just random characters) I am usually "improved" version of myself. Braver, prettier, more decisive, more ambitious. Why is that, lack of confidence in rl, unhappines with how I am? I do not have low opinion about myself, I think I'm pretty average, if not above average in academics for example. I do feel like you've described I just don't know why, or why it started happening back before I understood who I am.

Hmmm I usually write romance/adventure, a bit of yaoi, and occasionally I create OC's that in some way represent me. I don't remember all the fanfics I wrote, I wrote bunch of Naruto fic, Death note fics, currently I am mostly writing Kuroko no basuke (all the ships) and bleach fanfics. Well, I'm too shy to actually link you anything, I can't if people know it's me who's writing them. 

Eretaia said:

True, right now, no person or event can compare to the life inside your head but that's not because people and life there happen to be more interesting or adventurous. The only reason fantasy feels more emotionally fulfilling than real life is because you're not being you when you daydream. If you met all those fictional people you fantasize about but you remained as you're in real life, would you be happy and fulfilled? Probably not. Even with them around, you'd still get cravings and feel as if a part of you were missing - all this because you're ultimately not comfortable with who you are. The only reason fantasy seems fulfilling and real life boring is because you are not here to live it.

What kind of fanfics do you write? Bring them on, I'm an anime junkie as well. ;D

[Eretaia]

MD usually occurs when you're insecure about expressing certain parts of yourself in real life so you end up expressing them in fantasy in order not to completely suppress them. Maybe you're just too shy or you don't like who you are or you could be depressed or anxious. There could be plenty of reasons but one thing is usually sure: you're not being you in real life and that's why you feel this constant craving to run away to fantasies. Fantasies, as much as they are fake, sometimes let us come in touch with parts of ourselves we had unconsciously buried. That braver, prettier, more decisive and more ambitious girl in your daydreams may not be fake at all. It's probably how you would've really been in real life if your insecurities hadn't sabotaged you and prevented you from fully expressing yourself. Something is blocking you and you have to figure out what.

As for fantasies where you daydream about random characters without involving yourself, you probably project your own desires on one of them even though it may not be so obvious. I guess we tend to do this when we desperately want to experience a certain emotion but we're not comfortable with feeling it ourselves so we transfer it to our daydream character and experience it via them. So in a way, characters are some sort of emotional censorship.


Nah, don't worry about sharing fics, I was just joking. ^^ If I wrote yaoi, I'd be super uncomfortable myself, haha.

[Just Me]

Really? Hej pa nismo daleko :D . 

If only figuring out that block was easy, but at least things are more clear now. I used to think I was the only one who daydreamed all the time, and was afraid to tell that to anyone. I felt so relieved when I found out there are other people like me, and that it's something that you can fight against. The hardest part I think is, that we all love our daydreams and we feel really good while dreaming, it's so hard to give them up even a little.
Eretaia said:

I just checked your profile and... you're from Croatia? I'm from Montenegro, haha. Can't write in our language here though, I think it's against forum rules. :)

[Ivy White]

Eretaia needs to write a book about MD and how it works and how to get out of it.

Seriously though, it's very true. I think that the enhanced version of myself in DD could be me one day. They're all capacities that I keep dormant because, I think, keeping them silent and dormant makes it easier for other people, or because I've been taught to behave this way. Like clothing. I don't dare to dress how my characters dress because I'm afraid people would stare and judge me. Whereas my character doesn't give two shits.

[Jennifer]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I never got "positive mirroring" while I was growing up. I never got to feel beautiful, or special. I think a lot of my daydreaming started because I could be beautiful and special in my mind. Maybe when we become addicted to fantasy, what we're really needing is positive attention of some kind- to be seen and acknowledged. What I really missed growing up was being seen as pretty. I don't remember my parents (or anyone else!) ever giving me a compliment about my appearance. My daydreams seem to include a lot of attention about my appearance. I also struggle with binge eating disorder, and I'm overweight. I have often wondered what would happen to my fantasy world if I became slender and felt beautiful in real life.