My therapist told me I need more hobbies..

[Rae]

So I was just wondering if anyone has ever had a similar experience? I finally told my therapist about my daydreaming and fantasy life and she didn't take it very seriously. Her reaction and thoughts were that I have too much spare time and need to fill my time with other activities. But the problem with that is even when I am doing other activities my mind drifts away. She didn't seem to understand the seriousness of this and basically just reacted like it was nothing, even though it consumes most of my life.

Has anyone experienced this from telling a therapist? or have you received good advice from your therapist?

According to my therapist I just need more activities and hobbies in my life and that I need to focus on the real world.  I am frustrated with her and her response to this.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Most doctors don't know about MD yet, and many reject it when they hear about it.  I always suggest taking copies of the studies and articles done and telling her that real doctors have studied this and take it seriously.  She can even email them if she wants to know more.  This is real.  She can even email me if she wants to know more.  I do agree that staying busy is one way to daydream less, but that only works if you find the right activities, and it may not work for everyone.  If after reading all the information about it, she's still unhelpful, I recommend finding a more open-minded therapist who can help you.  

[Rae]

Thank you for the response. Tomorrow I have another appointment and will take some copies of the articles with me to show her.

I was just so disappointed with her responses, because I said "i daydream so much, several hours a day, it is hard for me to stop" and she said " i bet you do, you don't have a lot of things keeping you busy or activities, you have too much free time", that was like a slap in the face to me.

and then we sort of just dropped the subject and changed it to something else.

[SwanInTheWater]

I have not told any therapists, but I will make a note to bring it up with my current one and let you know her response. She knows I have a lot of hobbies so it's going to piss me off of she tells me to get more hobbies. She seems to be open minded though, so we will see. I'm betting on her just asking a lot of questions.  

[xf079]

I've never been on therapy, but I think Cordellia's advice is very sound. I just want to put in my two cents. I've noticed I DD a lot more when my life gets very boring and monotonous. When my life is exciting and I'm happiest, I barely need to DD. However, the advice from your therapist that you need more activities and hobbies to focus on the real world seems utterly simplistic. On the one hand, maybe you do need to find things to do that fulfil you and make you happier. Maybe it is not about finding activities, but about making changes on your life so you are happier and fulfilled. On the other hand, filling up your time with activities just to get rid of your idleness doesn't seem a good idea. In my experience, I need a balance. Filling up my time with things to do and having absolutely no time to DD really depresses me and it's taxing. Being forced by necessity and responsibility to always focus on the real world really brings me down. I just know I always need some spare time to let my mind wander and let it go wherever it needs to go. When I can balance the real world with my dream world is when I feel at my best.

[roxanne]

Rae, I am anxious to know what your therapist said.  I am a therapist myself & completely agree with what everyone has said here.  Give your therapist a chance to learn more about it, but if she doesn't take a more knowledgeable & sophisticated perspective on the situation, I would find someone else.  And tell her why you are leaving. 

This is not something to just get over, but to make a manageable part of your life. 

Cordellia is the best expert of all here - she has all the scientific info, plus has lived it.  Her offer to communicate with therapist is a great one.

[Rae]

Thanks for all the replies. I had to create a new account on here because I lost my password, and also deleted that email address I had used.

My appointment on Wednesday did not go so well. I didn't have much time to talk about daydreaming because I am also dealing with being diagnosed with a few disorders and the session became extremely unfocused. Next week I will try to take a good portion of the appointment to talk about my daydreaming and to be honest I do feel embarrassed talking about it.

When I mentioned daydreaming before the only question she asked was "what do you daydream about" and I told her a little ( i like to keep what i daydream about to myself most of the time) and her response was "why don't you think you can do the things you daydream about in real life?" so i don't think she quite understands the extent of daydreaming.

I told her I do it more frequently than normal people and her exact response was that I just need more hobbies and things to keep me busy (this was not in our last session but the previous session) and the truth is even when I am busy with work, hobbies, whatever I still drift away in to my daydreams. I hope she understand this.

My therapist sort of has a one track mind, what i mean by that is she just seems to want to label me with depression and only work on that.  I will give her an opportunity to learn more about it in our next session but I feel like after a few months this just isn't work out with her.

[roxanne]

I'm glad to hear you are going to stick to your guns.  She may believe that, assuming you are depressed, that everything ties in with that.  In reality, these 2 syndrome/disorders are quite distinct.  That doesn't mean they won't feed off each other.  For instance, the fact that your DD'ing makes it more difficult to get other things done, will add to your depression.  The fact that you are depressed - making it hard to go out & meet others - provokes more time spent in finding emotional solace from DD's.  Here is a first step to interrupt this cycle.  Try to love yourself just as you are - not how you will be or how you hope to be - but just how you are right now.  The characters you create are projections of yourself being loving toward yourself.  Whenever you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, picture a stop sign.  Stop the negative talk and say, "I am good enough the way I am."  Or whatever mantra works for you.  Practice this over & over.  You don't have to believe it to begin with.  Try to catch yourself doing something right - smart or creative or kind or funny.

And please take copies of the research info on links here.  Cordellia's tips on the home page are very informative.  Also the article in the Scientific American Mind.  You might e-mail these to her before your next session.  If she does not take it seriously, move on.

[Lily]

I have many hobbies and try to stay busy. I play music, go to school, work, am in a fraternity, draw, paint, anything artistic, etc. I have so many creative outlets already, and I still talk to myself when I'm alone. It doesn't make a difference for me.

[Emma]

I've been to a handful of therapists and none of them were very helpful.  Telling me I need to focus on the real world is not helpful.  I know that already which is why I'm at the therapist.  What I need are coping strategies and suggestions about how to change habits.  If you like your therapist, ask him or her directly for that.  Tell him or her that you need suggestions about changing practices, and please if the therapist gives you any good ones, pass them on to me!

As for activities and hobbies, I have loads of them.  My life is very full and unlike many of the people here, I do not have social anxiety disorder.  Still, nothing competes with the stimulation of daydream.  It is not about lack of hobbies.  Some of my hobbies involve other people (tennis) or doing math (carpentry), and I do not daydream when I am doing those things.  Other of my hobbies are more physical (gardening, embroidery, trail building) and I am fully immersed in my daydream while I do them and no one is the wiser.  You should see the meals I cook and the miles I jog.  People who know me think I'm very disciplined and motivated.  They have no idea that while I'm doing those things with my body, my mind is absolutely elsewhere and I complete my tasks totally exhausted and wishing to disengage. 

[Emma]

I appreciate the suggestion that we need self-acceptance.  That is true for me, and I like the stop sign idea since I am visual.  Thank you for that.  I disagree about the characters we create being projections of ourselves.  In some ways, yes my characters do things I wish I could do sometimes.  But that's not always the case.  My characters are like people in a novel.  Many of them have nothing in common with me whatsoever, and even the ones who are nothing at all like me have very real emotional lives and I'm wrapped up in their emotions just like I would be in the emotions of people in movies and books. For me (and many people based on what I've read here) it's probably 20% wish fulfillment / self-aggrandizement, but a full 80% escapism.  One of my main characters is a middle aged, overweight Sikh doctor with a temper and a bit of a drinking problem and a lot of denial who has a wife and a couple of little boys and is generally very loving and joyful but also is a closet womanizer.  I mean really, how did this guy come to take up so much time in my head and where the heck did he come from?  And I've got a dozen completely different characters jumping about my head, including this guy's brother (probably my main character) and their parents, grandparents, children, best friends, coworkers, exes, etc.  It's not so simple as it being about me loving me.  It's about me hiding in a different world. 

 roxanne said:

 Here is a first step to interrupt this cycle.  Try to love yourself just as you are - not how you will be or how you hope to be - but just how you are right now.  The characters you create are projections of yourself being loving toward yourself.  Whenever you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, picture a stop sign.  Stop the negative talk and say, "I am good enough the way I am."  Or whatever mantra works for you.  Practice this over & over.  You don't have to believe it to begin with.  Try to catch yourself doing something right - smart or creative or kind or funny.

And please take copies of the research info on links here.  Cordellia's tips on the home page are very informative.  Also the article in the Scientific American Mind.  You might e-mail these to her before your next session.  If she does not take it seriously, move on.

[Shivam Srivastava]

That is the reason why I haven't told anybody yet. I don't even believe the therapists in India. They can make it worse.

Garima said:

I have never had therapy but I told my family about my MD recently. After that my mom talked to a therapist. The therapist told her that the mind focuses only where we want it to. Not at all helpful or comforting! He further said that if anyone is not interested in doing some task then it's natural for the mind to wander off. So now my mom has concluded that I daydream because I don't want to study and I'm just making excuses.

[Luis S]

I have an appointment on Thursday lets say how my goes