Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Hi, I'm new here. I don't know if what I have is MD but it is pretty unusual. I'm 28 year years old, married and have 2 children. I have social anxiety, depression and pretty regular suicidal thoughts. I am very antisocial and only hang around my husband and children..I just hate being with people.
I daydream nearly all day everyday. But it's about one character on a movie (Dustin Hoffman's character Captain Hook) and the actual movie. My fantasies are of me being in the movie, and actually having a relationship with him. I'll watch the movie but while watching it I'll change the movie in my mind and put myself in it.
Then after the movie, I'll get really depressed..and either watch it again, or listen to music and daydream about being in the movie, living in Neverland and dating Hook. Sometimes I'll switch the plot/story but typically it's the same thing that happens in my fantasies over and over. I'll put on the soundtrack and play it through the house just so I can feel like I'm still in the movie..otherwise I feel empty and lonely if I don't have something around that's reminding me of him & the movie.
It is a real problem. I constantly am thinking bout this guy/movie. I can't even enjoy my real life because my mind is always in "Neverland". Sometimes I wish I could just be alone forever and do nothing but daydream. It's odd though because I have genuine emotions and feelings for him. I have a certain love for him, I actually cry at the end of the movie because to me, it really feels like someone I know and love died. I can't even see a clock in the store without it being a trigger. When I see kids clothes with tinkerbell on them, it makes me sad, and when I hear ANY sad sounding song it makes me cry and "miss" him..
I know he's not REALLY real..but in my head he's as real as it gets. I formed a relationship with him in my head. Then when I think that the fact he's not real, and it's just a movie, I get really depressed and cry.
I have had these types of fantasies most of my life. I'll get connected to one movie/person and be fixated on that for a long while. When I was in middle/high school just to get through the day I'd pretend my whole life was a movie and people were watching. When I got married over 10 years ago all the fantasizing/obsessing completely stopped..and I thought it was gone.. but it started up 2 months ago after having my second child.
I stopped daydreaming a total of maybe 10 minutes today..it is pretty exhausting..I had to go into the bathroom and ball my eyes out tonight because I feel like I can' t control it. I feel like I'm taking all my energy and putting it into my fantasies..and leaving none for my children. I want it to go away but than again, fantasizing about him is the only real thing I can count on to make me happy.
I don't know if this is considered MD but I have no clue to what else it could be. Does anyone else have these fantasies/obsessions that deals with one specific person/movie/ect?
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welcome. (: it sounds like MD to me. even though you didn't make up neverland or the characters yourself, you spend a lot of time daydreaming about it and the characters, and that's essentially what MD is: compulsively daydreaming about a set of characters. i know hook is your favorite, but i'd imagine there are other characters you daydream about too to get the plot going. i have a favorite character too, and i spend most of my time daydreaming about him. it's okay.
Yes I have other characters as "supporting roles" but it always boils down to me and Hook being in love and fighting Pan...more so he fights for me =) Matthew, do you mind sharing who the other character is that is similar to Capt Hook? Maybe I could see something that links them together within myself.
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