Why are there always boys?

[Stephi Boad]

Hi,
I think I've had MD for about three years.. I got it at just the time when my depression went away so I think they might be substitutes for me coping..

In my fantasies there is always a guy that I fall in love with and it's really romantic and cute but I'm worried that this is weird and what happens if I start dating a guy and the fantasies don't go away? Is it cheating? I'm so confused, the guy who I date surely wouldn't understand me being in love with some imaginary guy in my head and will I ever even be able to love someone other than my imaginary guy because they'll never be as perfect as he is. I'm scared please someone tell me what to do and I'm 16 by the way.

[Chris Bower]

If you date a real guy would your daydream boyfriend be jealous or consider that cheating? The idea of cheating is a relative term that can have a different meaning between different couples. In my past relationships I've been through both extremes where just looking at another woman was cheating to being physical with another woman was not cheating. So to answer if having a daydream boyfriend would be cheating would be up to your real boyfriend. Some guys want their girlfriend to think only of him and could become hurt, jealous, or feel cheated on with such daydreams. While other guys may not mind it or take no offense to it at all. Imagine you meet a real guy and eventually you find out he too has a daydream girlfriend that he is in love with, would that make you sad or happy? Would you want him to break it off or would you all want to double date? 

It is possible for people to be in-love with more than one person, it happens all the time. Say your daydream boyfriend is Prince Charming, it is possible to love your real boyfriend and Prince Charming at the same time. However no one is perfect, no one. Comparing your Prince Charming to a real person is like comparing apples to oranges. The apple will win every time, poor oranges. If you project your Prince Charming onto real guys I do not fear that you will never find love because you set the bar too high, I fear that you will miss out on loving a great guy for who he is.

Love is a powerful emotion if not THE most powerful. When you find a guy who you crush on, adore, or love it is inevitable for them to find a way into your mind and your dreams. In my case, I often daydream of real people, have an intense romance and then get rejected or hated. I believe when I was younger the women were imaginary and as I got older they went from realistically impossible to impractically possible. 

Keep in mind people change, you will change, guys will change, your imaginary guy could change. You might find a guy who matches your daydream boyfriend now and a few years he may be nothing like that or vice versa the guy you thought was nothing like your man turns out to be more like him later on. Anything is possible, you can find a guy who is not perfect, but you discover what makes him perfect then he becomes your dream guy. 

[Stephi Boad]

Thank you so much you guys are amazing :D

[Amari]

I don't really have an answer to your question but I'm the same way with my dreams and I've had multiple different ones.  There's always a boyfriend who's my idea of perfect and just the other day I was thinking of how this may affect my future relationships.  For about two years now I've been building this person who is so perfect for me and I keep hoping that I won't compare any future boys to my imaginary guy.  It's actually comforting that you're going through the same thing because I thought it was insane have an imaginary boyfriend! But since I'm single right now my imaginary guy comes in handy haha.

Didn't really answer your question did I lol I'm no help XD

[SwanInTheWater]

This is my experience with that: I end up not dreaming about the fake guy anymore because I have the real guy to occupy my thoughts. If the relationship with the real guy turns out to turn sour, and I am no longer happy with him, I start daydreaming about fake guy and end up distancing myself from real guy until we finally break up. For me that is okay because replacing real guy with fake guy is a sign that I am not happy in my relationship and should end it if I can't make it work.   

The thing is, when you start to like a guy, your brain starts racing with all these chemicals so more likely than not, you won't have room in your head for the fake guy. And the other thing is, you won't be too into your head to fall for a real guy, because the pull is too strong with a real guy so your daydreams might end up involving real guy.

So take it easy, don't worry. You will be alright, and if it turns out that you can't let the fake guy go, just come back here so we can help you work it out. In the meantime there is no need to stress it right now. One thing at a time.  

[Juliette23]

I feel the same way. Even though I've been married for years, I have fantasies and crushes on other men. Some are fictional characters or celebs, or real men I saw but don't personally know, some are just characters I make up in my mind. I feel like my husband is "okay." He's faithful, he's stable, and he's the only man I ever fell mutually in love with. But these days, when we have disagreements and fights, or I'm just plain irritated with him, I escape into fantasies about the type of guy who I feel could have been my 'perfect match,' who would have understood me better, who I would have had more in common with. I know it is silly, and there probably isn't such a thing.