This really scares me.

[Emily C]

Hello everyone. I'm sorry if this is posted in the wrong area. I just discovered the term "maladaptive daydreaming" today and I'm new here.

I'm 20 years old and all the signs and behaviors of MD described here and elsewhere on the web describe me to a T. I've been doing this my whole life. It gets worse at different points in relation to my depression and eating disorder - I've been bulimic since I was 8, and as my eating habits go through cycles so do the lengths and intensity of my daydreams. 

I'm not 100% sure why this scares me so much. I know its irrational to think this, but I feel like, out of all the messed up things I've done to myself, this is the thing that truly defines me as crazy. I completely lose myself in these fantasies for days at a time, pacing my apartment for hours just listening to music and talking to people in my head. I don't even see whats in front of me - I see what I'm imagining. And, looking back at it, its absolutely terrifying  because it is the epitome of loneliness.

I dont know the point of this post, really. I guess I'm just looking for perspective, or comfort, or whatever. I'm sorry again if this is in the wrong place, or if I offended anyone.

[Jonathan Eagle]

My theory is that maladaptive daydreaming isn't inherently good or bad. It's a disorder that been both a hindrance and hugely personal advantage to me personally. I can't speak for anyone else as everyone daydreams differently however I can tell you from person experience that's its a great comfort for things such as loneliness or doing mundane tasks however I also believe that it is also a great issue as to why I don't really socialise. My disorder really is a two edged sword in that regard and I believe that you see it the same way. Don't be scared, were all here for each other for a psychological problem that is impossible to objectively define.

[Aly]

I totally agree with Jonathan it's bad because it almost helps seclude you (I'm kinda talking personally) but it also is such a great copeing mechanism in life.

[Emily C]

Thank you for your reply (and thanks to everyone else, too). I've calmed down a lot about this subject since I posted this, and now Ive started to view it as just another quirk. I think the only reason I originally thought it meant I'm crazy is because I always relate it with the darker points in my life, so it feels negative when in reality it really isn't. 

Thank you for expressing concern about my bulimia - its silly but its nice to know someone cares, even if its just on the internet. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this in your daughter and I wish both of you the best. Unfortunately I'm not in therapy because I don't have health insurance, but I'm working on school so hopefully one day I'll be able to afford it. 

Thanks again for your help. I appreciate it :)
Michelle Young said:

I have been a daydreamer for longer than many of the people on this site have been alive. I am 47, and I have daydreamed on and off for most of my life. It ebbs and flows depending on what is going on in my life. It is not surprising that the happier I am at any given point, the less I daydream. I honestly have never thought I was crazy. When I first found this site, I was surprised to learn the term was maladaptive daydreaming because I never thought of it as bad, but as a coping mechanism that actually helps to keep me out the depression abyss that so many others in my family have fallen into.  

I do have to sound like a mom now, though (sorry, but I am one, and the mom of a bulimic, to boot). I hope that you are in some kind of therapy for the eating disorder. If not, I would definitely suggest that you get some help. Twelve years is a long time and that is a lot of damage on your body. Anorexia and bulimia are both addictive behaviors, which I have learned way too much about thanks to my kids, unfortunately. They are also very detrimental to your body.