Longstanding daydreams and what happens when facts get in the way???

[sasi]

Hi Everyone,

                  I'm new on here anfter coming across this site after a google search.I really thourght I was the only person who had lived the last 30ish years running a parrallel daydream world.

  In real life I am very happily married to a lovely man and have 2 great kids.I have a good job that I enjoy and plenty of friends.My "fantasy"world comes from a very disfunctional childhood and I realised it helped me cope and survive what happened.

 

  I fantasise usually scenarios that involve a character from TV as my partner.There daydreams can get very involved and I do get emotionally attached.My problem comes when I find out things about their real lives e.g.they are married.I then feel devastated-as I would if it had actually happened in my real relationship.While my head knows that this is crazy I can't help the emotions.My latest fantasy life has become a bit too all consuming and for the first time ever has started to intrude on my life the last couple of months.Recently I found out that this actor was married and am now all over the place.

 Does anyone else have a similar story?How do you manage it?? 

[taffle]

My crushes are now fictional. I guess I gave up real life guys for fictional ones.

roxanne said:

I did look up the single brother & he is currently dating a "hot model type."  I agree if I go here at all, it is with the married brother.  Sasi, I also have given up (for the most part) all mags & entertainment shows.  It is hard in this culture, however, to escape it all.  Hollywood updates are even on our news shows.  My favorite radio station has celebrity news from time to time.   But it is helpful to reduce dramatically the time spent on it. 

Laine,  I think you were brave to give it a try with your real life crush.  Good for you, even if it didn't turn out as you had hoped.  He sounds like he wasn't worth your time anyway, but who knows?   Are your crushes now real life, celebrities, fictional, or what?

[roxanne]

Today is a 2nd anniversary for me.  L  is still my most significant crush but  I spend much less time with him.  That is, I guess, good, but I miss the intensity I had.  No pain, no gain, I guess.  I now concentrate primarily on fictional characters, which are so much safer, sometimes using celebrities only as an idea of what they look like.  Have tried to use L in that regard - seems like it would be an ideal solution - but have not been able to pull that off.  He is who he is.  How is everyone else doing?

[J Noland]

Hello! Happy anniversary for the L dreams. I'm missing the intensity I once had with my crush. I'm hoping it's only temporary but I haven't been able to get those really involved dreams going. I guess I should feel glad that I'm not trapped in a made up world but my life feels kind of useless without it. I've spent all these years with my characters but I barely get to be with them lately. I've been having some light dds about a made up person, he's so made up that I can't really see his face most of the time. My main celebrity crush is still my favorite but as I get older I have a harder time feeling the realness, I have to dd in my real age so I'm feeling like it's less and less "likely." That's where my new made up guy comes in, he doesn't even have a name and we are just getting to know each other, always my favorite part! But it's just while doing dishes or other mundane stuff. I'd love a good long weekend of my celeb crush!

roxanne said:

Today is a 2nd anniversary for me.  L  is still my most significant crush but  I spend much less time with him.  That is, I guess, good, but I miss the intensity I had.  No pain, no gain, I guess.  I now concentrate primarily on fictional characters, which are so much safer, sometimes using celebrities only as an idea of what they look like.  Have tried to use L in that regard - seems like it would be an ideal solution - but have not been able to pull that off.  He is who he is.  How is everyone else doing?

[sasi]

Good to hear from you both.For me I am still using  the same crush I moved onto almost 2 years ago.He's less well known and much older so not in the media which works well for me as I can just develop him in my mind.The intensity comes and goes depending on what's going on in real life and just my mood.I still stay away from "celeb" media as much as possible and to be honest I find it all a bit boring these days.

[roxanne]

I wonder if aging does dull the impact of the daydreams.  If there might be a hormonal factor involved.  Mine are less intense.  I often find myself meeting the character over & over to provide the utmost intensity.  I do stay at a certain age (much younger) so some of my crushes have actually become too old for me, so I have to take them back in age, too.  For some reason, I have never successfully aged in my DD's.  I can see the pros & cons to this situation.  Jen, I know you age naturally.  Sasi, I think you do, too.  And maybe because my hormones aren't raging any more, any new "crush" doesn't seem quite as exciting.   Either that, or the new guys out there just aren't quite as interesting as the older ones.  On the other hand, I do spend probably as much time with them as when I was younger.  And my relationship with husband is as good as it has ever been - quite lovely, in fact.  The closeness of THAT relationship has never really effected my DD's & vv.

[Melissa C. Water]

I dont DD anymore, but I spent 10 years in the same story and I did use some characters from TV. 

I didnt mind if those characters dated people or had lives that werent according to my dreams because I kept them separate. I enjoyed the show and was fine with how it played out. In my head it was my world and I could make it what I wanted and nothing else mattered.

[roxanne]

I think that is awesome that you can truly be the director of your own dreams.   That would be ideal.  Was it as blissfully intense though?  If it was, then that is something to strive for.  I think I would not want to give up the ecstasy just to not feel the pain.

Why are you not DD'ing now?

[Melissa C. Water]

Hi Roxanne

Im going to assume you were asking me because I didnt read anyone else say they didnt MDD anymore.

I dont know exactly how it happened that I stopped. I had been trying to stop for a long time and it wasnt working, but after 20 years of MDDing it became less often and then stopped. I have no idea why. I wish I did so I could help others who want the same.

[Tinkerbell]

Anything from T.V or books which I like can become part of a day dream.  Sometimes I just make random things up and daydream about that.  I try to manage it by focusing on what I am doing, the enviroment I am in, the book I am reading e.t.c.  I actually try to prevent the daydreaming from occuring as i have realised that if I indulge in it for 5 minutes today, then tomorrow it might come upon me automaticly and be 10-15 minutes and then it increases each time I day dream. 

[roxanne]

Melissa - Don't you miss it?  I can't imagine waking up one day & it was gone. 

Tink - You actually DD for 5 minutes at a time & that's it?  Even 15 minutes?  You guys have so much control. 

[Melissa C. Water]

I used to MDD for many hours a day. I would lose time and it interfered with my life. I had no control.

But now its not a matter of me controlling it. Its just not there, so I dont have to try and control it.

Part of me misses it...missed "them". I spent a lot of time creating and caring for all these people, but I would rather be living real experiences.

I dont want my tombstone to read "The best things that ever happened to her were all in her head"

[roxanne]

Melissa - you have no idea what started or stopped it?  What age were you when DD'ing started?  Did they start gradually?