How do you even live?

[Shhimunky]

For me, the contrast between what my life is or can ever become and what my inner god (imagination) creates is overwhelmingly depressing to me.

Real life = snot

Life in my mind = epic narratives

It makes me depressed and I am currently going through some sort of identity crisis because of the fact that I once believed I could WILL mental imagery into reality and now do not. How can I possibly like anything about myself or my world when I do not feel I own them? If you want to know me, I'd have to take you into the false world of dreams.

[M Hunter]

When you say you believed you could will mental imagery into reality I assume you mean you could project or "hallucinate" things from your mind into the world? For me I could do this when I was young to a degree. If I felt strongly enough about something I could sort of create it but not the point it felt real, although when I made scary stuff appear that sure felt real! I do hallucinate a lot of stuff now, although I dislike calling them hallucinations, and these things I do not control and I don't relate to maladaptive daydreaming.

Life is very hard for me as I'm constantly stuck between two worlds. I find everyday to be a struggle. I spend most of the day visualising things and trying to create sensations without any sensory input and the only time I am happy is when I have a lucid dream. I understand that it's all very confusing and difficult to deal with.

[Shhimunky]

I know what you mean when you talk about "projection". To me that is just an advanced form of visualization. I'm talking about literally being able to control reality like a lucid dream. The only difference would be was timing and constraints on the difference between the current reality and the desired reality.

M Hunter said:

When you say you believed you could will mental imagery into reality I assume you mean you could project or "hallucinate" things from your mind into the world? For me I could do this when I was young to a degree. If I felt strongly enough about something I could sort of create it but not the point it felt real, although when I made scary stuff appear that sure felt real! I do hallucinate a lot of stuff now, although I dislike calling them hallucinations, and these things I do not control and I don't relate to maladaptive daydreaming.

Life is very hard for me as I'm constantly stuck between two worlds. I find everyday to be a struggle. I spend most of the day visualising things and trying to create sensations without any sensory input and the only time I am happy is when I have a lucid dream. I understand that it's all very confusing and difficult to deal with.