Mentally unfaithful

[Taryn]

Just wondering if any of your storylines involve romance with yourself and a character . If so does this interfer with any real relationship you have. I developed these stories when I wasn't seeing anyone and thought I never would. Now I'm married with children. Of course I feel guilty and feel I'm mentally "cheating ". Sometimes I try to put my husband in romantic role-an idealized version, just as I am. I guess I should feel guiltier that I'm not mentally present.

Mind you I love my husband and wouldn't think about cheating, but after being married awhile, well I guess romance dies. Still feel its wrong sometimes.

[greyartist]

Yes, I am also married. In my dd I am usually a widow. Most likely my minds way of dealing with the guilt

[Lisa Hancock]

I do DD about romance and if people knew my husband they would wonder why, I get ALL I could ever want and then some at home. I've been DD about it forever it seems, so I just never stopped. I do feel guilty sometimes, actually most of the time, and that is why I could or wouldn't ever tell my husband about MD, cause I know the first thing he would say.....you're dreaming about being with someone else, well, yes and no. I am, but I wouldn't ever go be with someone else. I love my husband with everything in me. I guess that's the torture part of having MD.

[charm]

Im exactly the same! yes i sometimes feel guilty that I am mentally unfaithful. Infact I always imagine my husband is my dd guy when we have sex. But at the end of the day its only a phantasy and at least Im not actually cheating. My DD guy dosnt exist and never could because there is no way anyone can be that perfect. And if he did exist he sure as hell wouldnt be interested in me! I always imagine myself more perfect then real life too. Its not an ideal situation but things could always be worse. Like I said, at least we arnt actually out there having real affairs.

[charm]

And I also love my husband and our relationship is great in every other way. Personally if I found out my husband sometimes imagined me as some phantasy of his I wouldnt mind...As long as its not someone in real life! Thats where I draw the line for myself too, its ok to imagine this larger then life character I know dosnt actually exist but when you start thinking of a collegue in that way it can lead to trouble. So as long as that line between phantasy and possiblity is always present I don't see it as such a big deal. If my husband does this too then im fine with it, but would rather not know if he does! =)

 

[SwanInTheWater]

I did this when I was in a relationship as well. I too felt guilty, like I was mentally cheating. I became a little cold and distant with my boyfriend at the time, although it wasn't all my fault as he wasn't treating me too great. 

But this is not a reality, you are not daydreaming about a real man in your life and wishing you were with him instead. You are daydreaming as a maladaptive daydreamer, about a character you invented and you are together in an alternate universe. Your brain may not know the difference in feelings and that's why you're feeling guilty. But I don't believe you are doing anything wrong. 

Just ask yourself if you are having these daydreams because there is something lacking in your relationship. And if the answer is yes, then you can take steps towards working on that. But if the answer is no, don't beat yourself up so much. 

[Lisa Hancock]

Actually, some of my characters are real people, intertwining with other characters that do not exist. Some of the characters that I DD about, I know, but have never really been around much and don't know them in a personal way. One I knew WAY back in the past and was kind of close to, but we are both happily married to other people now. Some of my other DD also consist of real people, but we don't have "relationships". 

[Sandy D]

My thought on this - thinking and doing are two VERY different things! I personally don't believe there is ANYONE out there, where a DDer or not that hasn't thought about what it would be like to have a relationship with someone else. After all, the number one reason for divorce in this country is cheating on a spouse.  I love my hubby beyond words and would never consider cheating - and , yes, I've had the opportunity but never considered acting on it. Have I thought about a DD character during intimacy?  (I'm a DDer - nuff said.)  I don't feel guilty about it for two reasons: first, when I'm in that mode, my hubby gets the benefit. Second, we communicate really well - he's knows some of my fantasy stuff and I know some of his - they're fairly different as he's not a DDer, but the result is the same for both of us. Neither of us is the jealous type and trust each other implicitly, so I guess it depends on your relationship if you decide to tell your lover or spouse - but to feel guilty about a "sin" you haven't actually committed seems like beating yourself up for nothing.

[Kathy]

Yes, my dds are sometimes romantic. Like everyone else said though, I never have cheated on my husband.  I'm widowed now for 10 mos. and haven't been with anyone else except in my dds. 

[Shannon C]

I do know all too well about this, I have daydreamed about two people for the past 30 years! Not at the same time mind you, in the meantime, I managed to get married, have kids, divorced, remarried, and I am very happy in this marriage, but still find myself daydreaming about someone else, and have been faithful to my real life love, and to my daydream love, Makes no sense to anyone other than ourselves.

[Taryn]

Well you all have certainly made me feel better about this. I guess it comes with being a catholic. I do think I need to find ways to fulfill my own relationship but after a decade together with kids it is tough. Sometimes a little internal storyline is exciting.