Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I have been having an imaginary life for as long as I could remember.
I didn't have a lonely life and I had friends when I was young, but I always had my own world.
I started writing short stories when I was 12, I used to listen to music, and it would put me in a certain mood and then I'd imagine a story. It was never about me, always about other people.
I was always having great grades in writing and encouraged by my teachers, and I was actually happy about this imagination.
Then I started studying engineering, it was so abstract and scientific that I felt it was blocking all my creativity channels. I couldn't imagine stories anymore.
And this is when my daydreaming started to be about me. I started creating a character for myself, more successful, better looking, with a better body. And everyday this character was getting successful, I didn't feel like I needed to do this effort in real life, I was already successful in my parallel life.
It then extended to my relationship, when ever I was fighting with my boyfriend I was imagining myself with the perfect man who was treating me well, but I would dismiss this character when ever things went back to being fine. And my other/parallel life was like an escape when things got a little rough.
But then my life went really bad, I failed in college, my boyfriend made my life hell then left me, and I was a wreck. The only way for me to survive was to run to my parallel life. And since then, for the past 3 years, I am mostly in this parallel life, where I have a perfect husband, 4 kids, I am a very successful woman and even have a perfect body and my own company.
I was getting really scared and was wondering at times if I am seriously heading towards Schizophrenia as a psychiatric illness, if there is any other sane person who'd have this same life.
Every single thing I can't have in real life, I just fantasize about having it in this parallel life. I am 27, and I am really concerned if I would end up unable to have a normal life, although I have no problem at having a normal life and actually I have a good amount of friends.
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It seems many people worry about MD leading to Schizophrenia. But I read in a book, "Daydreaming" by Eric Klinger, that there is no relation between the two. It said even those who daydream excessivly do not have a higher chance of developing it. It said that people with Schizophrenia seldomly daydream.
I am worried too. I have MD but sometimes I hear voices. I hope I'm not schizophrenic, but I would need a therapist to verify.
But if you have a parallel life for all these years isn't there a slight chance you may end up with Schizophrenia. My mind doesn't stop thinking and creating stories, even when I am asleep. I even tried meditation before but could never clear my mind, and it never worked out.
Also sometimes I get really depressed after indulging in one story for a long period, the details get so specific and real that I could feel all the emotions involved and then realize it isn't true and feel empty and frustrated.
If you are not Schizophrenia, DDing isn't going to make you that way.
I agree with Shadow Cat. I don't think DDing will make you Schizophrenic but I do think that down the road you'll see these years as a waste of precious time. You can always go back to college, I did. My only regret is that I couldn't stay and get a 4 year degree. You probably will never find the perfect man or have the perfect children IRL because they don't exist. And they aren't supposed to. I believe that part of our journey on this earth is learning to live with imperfection and overcoming negativity. Please don't be discouraged.
Well I was just wondering if it would lead to Schizophrenia or not. It's great to know it wouldn't
And I am back to college and graduating this semester :)
I am not looking for a perfect man, just the man who'd appreciate ur dedication and love, and who'd be there when u need him and wouldn't just walk away without ever looking back. I hope that's not the definition of the perfect man :)
Debbie P. said:
I agree with Shadow Cat. I don't think DDing will make you Schizophrenic but I do think that down the road you'll see these years as a waste of precious time. You can always go back to college, I did. My only regret is that I couldn't stay and get a 4 year degree. You probably will never find the perfect man or have the perfect children IRL because they don't exist. And they aren't supposed to. I believe that part of our journey on this earth is learning to live with imperfection and overcoming negativity. Please don't be discouraged.
DDing and schizophrenia are two different things. My adopted mom is schizophrenic so I have seen it up close and its totally different. She hears voices and has her own little world but she thinks its real and its very scary. She is always focused on someone trying to kill her. She doesn't seem to have any control. I do wonder sometimes though if her schizophrenia had any connection to my dding. She didn't show many symptoms when I was a child or preteen but she didn't let me away from her much at all and she was emotionally unavailable sometimes and I wonder if that contributed to me making my own world somewhat.
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