What did you feel in the days following your discovery of MDD?

[Crissy]

Did you feel less or more strange? Did you feel empowered? Did you want to embrace it or stifle it? Did you feel like you have a better understanding of who you are?

[Jennifer]

Hello. :)

Interesting topic here, thanks for posting. I've been having a good time reading responses...It helps me understand that I'm not alone in this situation.

When I first accidently found out about MD, I was confused. I thought it was me, but I wasn't exactly 100% sure yet. I remember posting multiple blogs on here, actually, asking if anyone else on this site thought I did have it, or if they thought it was just me being dramatic about something. Many people said I sounded like I had it, and I did remind myself that I could relate to everything these people say about MD, what they go through, what their daydreams are about, and etc. Turns out, I finally accepted the fact that I did have MD, and I soon began to feel very trapped. I didn't know how to tell my parents, and friends, and it was getting in the way of school and everyday functioning. So, after feeling trapped beyond words for 6 months straight, (November-April) I finally just went to my school counselor and spilled everything, who then took me to the school's psychotherapist, who I then spilled everything to again. He gave me the courage to tell my mom, so I eventually told her, and she doesn't believe me. (Go figure!! After 6 months of hell, my mom doesn't believe that I have MD?!) So, now, 10 months after my self-diagnosis, I accept the fact that I have MD, and I just live with it. It can be extremely difficult at times, and I do get overwhelmed and cry about it every once in awhile. But, I've learned that I have to accept it, you know? That there's nothing we can do about it right now. But don't let me discourage you, or anyone else...I still have hope for the future. Just because there's nothing we can do about our MD now, doesn't mean there won't be anything we can do about it later. =)

 

[Gina Black]

I just found out, and I'm so happy! :)

Happy to know it has a name, to know I'm not alone at this, to know I'm not that weird, to know that it's a disorder and not idiocy... I've often seen my relatives annoyed, "she's a smart girl and there's no way she can't handle this". Now I feel justified to know it REALLY isn't that easy to handle. 

I really look forward to talking with you about it!

Also, in this period of my life I relatively control it, so I might be able to join in helping each other out. I LOVE DD-but only as long as it doesn't really stop me from having a real life too ;)

[Yi Fang Shen]

once i could tack a name on it i felt better.

[Amoka]

Well, at the time I was looking into early schizophrenia warning signs so I was almost crying in relief when I found out I wasn't going to be schizophrenic when I got older. I felt strange because I had never thought of myself as being the kind of person who has a disorder, let alone it being addicted to daydreaming but at the same time I felt more normal and safe. I stopped fearing for my sanity every time I was daydreaming. I had the sudden urge to tell everyone I wasn't the only person in the world who does this.

[Lauren W.]

I just figured this out yesterday. In some ways, it is relieving because I think it's provided a deep insight into why I have struggled to get out of depression for so long. I've never addressed this issue outright and I think doing so will help me feel better. That's good. It's also scary to contemplate, because I've been this way as long as I can remember, and I can't imagine myself or life without it. That makes me nervous. But it isn't all bad, because I do think I can control it (I go through periods where I DD very little) and I also think it's kind of neat. I can see how you could retain the good and loose some of the bad.

[lizzy dagger]

I feel less insane for sure. I feel that its not that abnormal considering many people do it! Of course its not quite normal-but I seriously thought I was insane.

[Amber]

It seems like most people reacted positively to discovering MDD, but to be honest, after I googled it and landed on this site, I cried my eyes out. I had thought for so long that it would be something I would grow out of, but then I saw that Cordellia Amethyste Rose was in her late 20s, and I came to the realization that I would most likely live my whole life with this. I sobbed like a baby, as if I had been told I had cancer. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I was at a low point, and so sick and tired of daydreaming constantly weaving itself through my everyday life. Now, though, I feel better knowing that I'm not alone, and that it's not impossible to live with. I feel that I am getting better, and actually am starting to appreciate daydreaming more. It really is a wonderful escape. I just need to remember to focus on also making my real life satisfying. I remind myself that it's gonna be okay, even if sometimes I feel like I'm completely losing it, lol :)

[Crissy]

Awww Amber you tugged at my heart with that response. You're going to alright. I'm in my mid thirties & this has been an issue my entire life. But now that I'm discovering why & what triggers it I feel like I have a second chance to make my life the way I always wanted. I envy you because you have a chance to do that at even a younger age than me :)

[Greydawn]

I found out about it around the time that I found out about my social anxiety disorder and whatnot. At first I didn't really know what to think about it, so I just kept doing research and looking at other people's reactions. Couple months later, when it finally really sunk in, it turned into a period of depression. I felt like a freak because I was forced to acknowledge my daydreaming as a disorder, and because I felt like there was no one close to me I could talk to. After that period, though, I started talking to some people with disorders who understood, and now that I've emerged on the other side, I feel much better about myself and who I am.

[otakugirl]

I was glad to see others had it. I thought I was a freak. I hated myself for it and thought I was gross. I thank go I have you guys to talk to.

[Bex6277]

I felt great. I have been DD for a very long time, thought there was something wrong with me but when i discovered it was MD i could'nt stop laughing becuse i was relieved, i would even go as far as saying happy, that I was not the only one.

[Shadow Cat Sam]

Very glad to have others that also DD to interact with.