being alone

[samurai]

 I usually prefer to be alone doing my work like reading, writing, hiking, creating music or anything interesting. I do talk with very few people, but I never been into group of some specific people. sometimes it makes me upset that i dont have a group with whome I could hang out. Whenever i try to be, others feel little uncomfortable with my knowledge, though I am very friendly.

Any suggestions?

[lizzy dagger]

Ugh I know exactly what you mean! You and I have the same interests. It is great being alone, but it sucks realizing that you really don't have anyone to hang out with when you don't want to be alone. 

I don't really have a group either. I haven't made any new friends since high school and don't talk to anyone from high school except one friend who lives far from me now. I do have my bf and one fair-weather friend (not a great friend) and I get lonely. I don't want to rely on my bf for all my social activity.

And yes- sometimes its hard talking to people when you're intellectual. So many people want to talk about mundane things but I want to share experiences, learn something, and of course goof off. The funny part is, people think you're boring- but all they talk about is the weather and other boring stuff (like stupid stories from high school).

Suggestions: I guess try to talk to more people. You can't make friends unless you do that. It's okay to go up to somebody and just start talking. Sometimes I'll talk about how it sucks to be waiting for the bus (if you're waiting at a stop), then tell someone a funny story about one time at the bus stop. Sometimes that kind of stuff works.

[samurai]

Lizzy and EMF thank you guys for making me realize , I am not the only one who have such a crazy problem. I ll   try to find like minded folks and will love myself whenever I ll feel alone. 

[charm]

Yup I can definatly relate! I prefer to hang out on my own but then I always crave that interaction with other people and feel lonely. I find that most people just don't seem to like me. Its not that they dislike me its just that I don't quite fit in with them. I do have avoidant personality disorder, which makes it very hard to make friends and I am naturally a socially awkward sort of person. Until you get to know me! and then I have a lot to offer in a friendship and can be very out going. But breaking threw that shell takes years and most people cant be bothered trying. Because of that I have few friends but they are all friends who I have been close to for years (decades even). I try to remind myself that its not the quantity of friends but the quality. One true friend is worth a hundred fake ones.

Maybe try hanging out with people who are older then you. Nothing wrong with making some friends who are a generation or two older  if people your own age don't quite get you. . Or try making friends based on your interests. If your into reading maybe join a book club and that sort of thing. That way you will already have some common ground with the people you are trying to mingle with.

 

[Mithun Prakash]

Ur case is almost  similar to mine...

I suggest you to talk with more people...n analyse  their behaviour n bodylanguage in public...more n more analyse how others behave, u can handle those kind of situations in future...then you try to immitate or act like some of those extroverts in public(i know its a hilarious task, but try n try n succeed)...I used to do like that, it fails at times...but still doing so...

 

now i can relieve a bit, nice to see a similar minded indian here...i always thought i was the only one like this in india...

[lizzy dagger]

Samidha, I wouldn't really say its a crazy problem. But it is very aggravating and it sucks feeling awkward in social situations.

EludeMyFantasies, I totally agree! I enjoy being alone as much as I do socializing and can only handle people for so long. I just get so aggravated after being around people too long. I do need some space. 

And yes, people do not like it when you're completely honest and blunt. It is hard to mesh when people want you to talk about mundane things and say what you really don't mean. I like to actually get to know the person's mind and beliefs. I want to learn another perspective.

I also live in a southern town. It's not small because its a capital city but sometimes people get a little religious and offended by other viewpoints. It's funny because in my town there are people from all over the world who come to live here (for school, military) with different orientations and beliefs. But there are some people who get miffed when you say something that doesn't fit the Bible which those people obviously haven't read! 

[lizzy dagger]

I don't quite fit in with many people either and also feel that you have to break my shell. You know, its not like you and I aren't open- but you can't quite open up when you don't know a person! And it is very true that one true friend is much better than many fair-weather friends. 

I also agree that older people can be so much more interesting to talk to. I feel that our generation is full of superficial people who don't really care about anything except instant gratification. I know that almost no one would disagree with this point. I see a lot of people at my school engulfed in their phones and they can't even take the time to look around the room. I will pull my phone out just so I don't stick out and look like I'm alone. Also, with this mindset (instant gratification)- would would want to take the time to learn about a stranger's life? That's why those people are always checking their facebooks; they don't want to make the time to make new friends. It has to be easy for them.

Sorry if that's a little off topic. But I really think that does affect socialization. 

charm said:

Yup I can definatly relate! I prefer to hang out on my own but then I always crave that interaction with other people and feel lonely. I find that most people just don't seem to like me. Its not that they dislike me its just that I don't quite fit in with them. I do have avoidant personality disorder, which makes it very hard to make friends and I am naturally a socially awkward sort of person. Until you get to know me! and then I have a lot to offer in a friendship and can be very out going. But breaking threw that shell takes years and most people cant be bothered trying. Because of that I have few friends but they are all friends who I have been close to for years (decades even). I try to remind myself that its not the quantity of friends but the quality. One true friend is worth a hundred fake ones.

Maybe try hanging out with people who are older then you. Nothing wrong with making some friends who are a generation or two older  if people your own age don't quite get you. . Or try making friends based on your interests. If your into reading maybe join a book club and that sort of thing. That way you will already have some common ground with the people you are trying to mingle with.

 

[samurai]

hey, Lizzy, i think you explained it very well. Even it sucks me , when I see people liking stupid comments and photos instead of liking actually good one. Now days instead of seecking fun in knowledgable topics, people finding knowledge in stupid things, and showing off. And even as Indian I know religious things. They are stupid people who cant even understand a  science behind things or fearing god. Why God will do something wrong with his children? Actual god was nothing but was a human being , with highely controlled and focussed mind.