I'm not the only one

[Raul]

It is a relief to know that I am not the only one, sorry if I have a handwriting error I am Brazilian and my English is not very good.
since i remember that i create stories and stages, when i watched movies i thought about similar stories or even i was the main actor when i was growing up i started to do my own daydreams.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

When I was younger, doing MDD was a radical experience, but now that I'm an adult, I'm sorry I ever started it. It greatly effected every aspect of my life; relationships, education and career. It used to feel so magical and spontaneous when I was 13, but overtime as I got older, I start to feel sorry that I committed. MDD is disabling and it really sucks your life. It ruins your concentration and worst yet, everybody can see what your up to. At 34, I still live with my dad who constantly persuades me to find employment so I can leave his house. It's more intimidating than ever with this pandemic. To be honest, I wasn't very successful in my career, and thinking of doing something else. 

When I was a young kid, I believed by that age, I'd be married and have a house, even a couple kids, and be in a career that I enjoy. Regardless, real life did not look like my fantasies, and far from it. My health got bad and all people noticed was that I'm an extremely quiet person who didn't really want to interact with them, and looked as if I was in another world. They constantly think I'm under the weather and wonder if I'm Ok, because my face tends to look hapless or unwell. On top of that, I haven't socialized much in a decade, and learned at 30 that I have high functioning Asperger syndrome. 

It sounds ridiculous now, but I spent years trudging the same park trails to the waterfront 2 miles from my house, hoping to someday cross paths with my true love, and it never worked. I've also been staring out at the backdrop of my parent's house imagining that something extraordinary will happen. I woke up and realized I could be doing this until my face turns blue and my hair turns grey. In reality, nobody will understand your satisfaction all but YOU. So I have a whim for a change in life, and do things differently. Such as get out there and pay more attention to others—as in grow up and find my own crowd. 

My failed success and disappointments taught me that nothing comes out your dreams. You do have to take action and use your thinking cap to find a way. And I did all the wrong things for the wrong reasons. Surprisingly, I've been doing MDD for a while—20 years since I was a preteen. My mom found out my secret when I was 24 and her reaction did not go smoothly. She didn't believe I could succeed in any career, all except for doing my artwork. Though I get the shivers, when my dad expects so much of me, to be independent and make lots of money. He actually cannot believe that I still live in their house at such a mature age. And I'm embarrassed to admit to it.