Why I can't quit

[Creator]

In my daydreams, I always dream that everybody loves me. I'm the most important person in the room. Now I think I understand why:

There's this party tonight I was gonna go to. I got all dressed up and stuff...got all pretty... then I just sat down and almost started crying. Based on my past experiences with parties, I know that if I go to this party that no one, and I mean no one, will want to talk to me. I'm not a "cool" kid. I'm just a random 17 year old girl. I'm just "some girl". I have an empty title. This is why I can't stop daydreaming. Without my fantasy, I would just be "some girl". And I hate being that girl. I freaking hate it. She's boring, she's awkward, and nobody really pays attention to her. She's not especially bright, or pretty, or funny.Everyone looks at her like she's a bug on the floor that they could easily stamp out, but they choose not to because it would leave a mark on the hardwood. Everyone ignores her, acting like she's not only invisible but mute as well. Well, who can blame them. She's just "some girl".

And I hate her. I hate myself. I need my daydream to keep from killing her.  This effing sucks.

[aumo girl]

"She's boring, she's awkward, and nobody really pays attention to her.  She's not especially bright, or pretty, or funny.  Everyone looks at her like she's a bug on the floor that they could easily stamp out, but they choose not to because it would leave a mark on the hardwood."

 

That, my dear, sounds like the beginning of a very beautifully written novel. 

 

Don't you see the creativity shimmering like a star within yourself?  You have a way with words; you can string them together and make them bite at the shins of whoever reads them.  That's a gift and your above words really struck me (I would definitely read a book that started out like that).  Have you ever considered writing?   You are brilliant at conveying emotions through the written word.  You would make a fantastic writer.

 

Not especially bright?  I disagree.  You, darling, sound like one of the brightest rays of sunshine.  You also sound wise beyond your years.

[Heinriech Heisner]

 

I agree with Cordellia, that you just got to accept yourself. When I was in high school I wanted to fit in with the "cool" people and I used to daydream about it a lot. It never came to exist outside my mind. I actually had a really great group of people to hang out with who accepted me, but by the time I realized this we had all graduated and gone our own ways.

I eventually realized that I needed to change my attitude and perception of the world. I stopped assuming that I knew what people were thinking, which alleviated my self-consciousness, which was holding me back. Then I picked up the attitude that I own this world and I can do anything that I want to -- that attitude has allowed me to be comfortable with who I am and that I don't really need to explain myself to others. I do what I do because I like to and that's that. I haven't had anyone complain yet. Since I was socially inept, I began experimenting with those skills (probably making a fool of myself at times and will again in the future) but now I am learning how to interact. Without failures and your acceptance of them, you will never learn anything new! If people still don't accept me after all this, they're really not worth my time. Why would I want to hang out with people that don't have the same interests as myself or that restrict my growth, you know?

 

If you have the attitude that you are better (not because you are, but because you don't care what others are thinking), people will pick up on that and react. If you have the attitude that you are weak and insecure, people will also pick up on that and react in another way. It all starts with you though and your attitude about yourself. Then it ripples out from there. I mean, where do the waves start when you throw a pebble in the pond?

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Let it all out.  Scream it until you can't scream anymore.  It will get better...........but not until you really get to know and accept yourself.  I felt this way for many, many years.  I still feel this way at times.  It only got a little bit better when I stopped trying to be like everyone else and started flaunting who I was.  I'm still not exactly the belle of the ball..........but now people listen.  Finally I stopped shushing myself.....and found out that I had some pretty interesting things to say.  The stupid people didn't start listening much...........but the smart ones did.  You've got more important people to impress than some silly popular kids.

Remember you can't be normal and be extraordinary.

Let it all out.  We're here for you.