I realize now why I don't want to stop daydreaming- it's because without MD, I'd still be an awkward person and socially inapt. The only difference is that I'd have no tangible reason  for it.  MD is something with a name that I can claim as a part of me. Without it, I would go back to being just a weird kid, for no reason at all.

 

I just want to be something. Anythinig. I have no sense of "me". I guess you could say that I'm scared of the real world, and what it would do to me if I faced it without my daydreaming shield. My life is spiralling down. I'm missing all the deadlines for college apps and financial aid applications. My only friends and I are growing apart. My emotional immune system is down. I'm constantly getting more and more hurt by people because I expect them to be like the kind people in my daydreams. I'm regressing.

 

I don't know what I want, because I don't have a "me" to want anything.

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Comment by Ris Smith on January 4, 2011 at 9:56am
i can feel your pain, and i went through this a few years ago when i was 15. my closest friends had more freedom than i did, and seemed to leave me behind, i couldn't focus on studying, my parents were having problems. the only thing that kept me ticking was my daydreaming. to be honest, for me to continue on in the real world, i had to leave my dreams behind to make them happen in reality. and rather than fanasize about other worlds and characters in my mind, i pictured a future that i could attain if i worked hard.

i can't say that i don't still zone out everynight as i take a shower, or go to bed, but i've anchored my dreamsboat to my reality. i drift for hours or days at a time it seems, but everynow and then i force myself down to earth so that i can do damage control.

i feel that only for a while, you need to come back up for air and do some damage control. you're watching you life pass you by as your dreams carry you away, but you need to pay more attention to reality so that it can run (almost) as smoothly as your dreams do. theres always escape back to your dreams once you're done. best of luck with it all.
Comment by Nomad on December 25, 2010 at 9:15am

I totally identify. When I was in high school, I couldn't get myself to apply for college because I was too overwhelmed. So, I lived with my parents and worked in retail for a year and then started college when I was nineteen. But I still wasn't ready--I got straight As my first term then tanked my second term. After working and supporting myself for another year, I went back to college again, this time succeeding despite my MD.

Part of me wishes that I was one of those people who knew exactly where they were going and transitioned smoothly into adulthood. However, I just wasn't and that's that. The only real mistake I made was starting college too soon, although by other people's standards I started late.

Anyway, thanks for your post. I'm currently seeking a new job, and I've let a bunch of deadlines slide because of my fear. I don't know if I should stay in my current field, and I'm not sure where else to go, so my animal brain is freezing up. Fortunately, you've helped me remember that I've been through this before and it turned out alright.

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