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Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest

why i am afraid of death, and how that is a good thing

This is a facebook page i made today. I'd like to add that dreaming is a way i make my life interesting.

I am afraid of death, but i do not think this is bad. I am afraid of more than nothingness.

Every day, i realized it was a day wasted. Like on the weekends, i don't like to sleep much so i can enjoy my time, and dread sunday night. In life, i feel the same. I dread death the same as i dread sunday. My fear of death is more of a fear of not getting enough out of life. I fear, that when my time comes, i wouldn't have done enough. I will be disappointed in how i used my days, an wish i had the brains to enjoy them while i had them. It isn't a fear of "sunday" that is the problem, it is the fear of not being satisfied with what i had done that weekend.

This is why i have so many interests, i NEED to be doing something. Any mess I've ever made was caused by me doing something i thought of as useful. The mere idea of me dying makes me cry because I'd have lost my life, it'd be sunday night.

In a way, the fear of death makes me want to live my life. I need to have a good run here, i wont be around for long. Hopefully, when my time comes, i can tell my grandchildren, or even great-grandchildren, of all the stories i had made.

That is my goal. When i die, i want to be able to tell story that could interest anyone. I want to tell of adventures and fun, every funny story.

You know what i want?

I want my life to be described by one word:

Amazing.

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Comment by Machelle Irby on March 13, 2015 at 8:28pm: Oh, noes! It is a glitch! When i left the tab and came back, the words were Still there, so i reclicke it. Woops!

Comment by Machelle Irby on March 13, 2015 at 8:27pm: Matthew, of course! You are closer to me than anyone at my school (not counting my boyfriend, duh!)l. They often ignore me during conversations. I had asked you to illustrate my daydreams some time ago! I'll contact you on facebook!

Comment by Machelle Irby on March 13, 2015 at 8:25pm: Matthew, of course! You are closer to me than anyone at my school (not counting my boyfriend, duh!)l. They often ignore me during conversations. I had asked you to illustrate my daydreams some time ago! I'll contact you on facebook!

Comment by MatthewR on March 13, 2015 at 6:57pm: By coincidence I just came across your post on fb today. I also get a feeling of dread at night before bedtime. I feel like the day was not spent as well as it should. As i get older i start reflecting more on the many days that weren't spent ideally or to their fullest. I can totally see where you are coming from.

What kind of stories do you want to tell? I know that feeling of having this amazing world inside of you and wanting nothing more than to see it realized in some way. I would like to help you if I can. It's been a while since I've done any kind of illustration, but maybe i can pick it up again. I would like for you to be proud of the things you've accomplished on this earth. Let me know. Maybe we can make it a project?