I sit here now on new years eve watching my family unwinding and gearing up for 2014 and It feels like I'm watching a movie play out. A drab movie I'm forced to watch. A plane going down without its pilot being able to take to the controls. It's dawned on me that next year is going to be exactly like last year and this year and so on and so on no matter what aspiring resolutions I make to dramatically turn my life around.

The same music I don't listen to.  The same technology I won't ever afford. The same fads and fashions I won't ever be in with. The same sub-culture fragments I won't ever be a part of. 

It's like this whole world speaks a totally different biological and psychological language to me. I can't ever fully immerse myself within society and cohere to those individual members that are part of it.  

Heck I could learn to some may argue but its not a talent that comes naturally to me I fear. 

Who can blame me? I'm a daydreamer because sometimes it feels like daydreams are my only source of company. The characters I become are the only way I can truly identify myself with the world. Sometimes the best experiences of my life are the ones that play out in my head. The best moments of my life are in my subconscious fantasies....

A whole realm of possibility and inspiration  in a whole realm of disappointment and suffering. Reality does not satisfy my cravings and my fantasies. It offers me no mental stability whatsoever like something out of this realm of possibility that is conjured up in my mind.

I stand by the fact that maladaptive daydreaming is indeed my secret vice, an irony that to the average person I'm the one with  issues... Not a world that has traded dreams and aspirations for shallow fleeting pleasure and an unfair judgement and tendency of people to seat themselves above everyone else. 

Some may perceive this as negativity but this is a maladaptive daydreamer at his most honest. This is how the world is through my eyes...

I wish it was a world seen through my daydreams...


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Comment by Aneira on January 1, 2014 at 6:37am
Wow ... Lol guess I'm not the only one who takes solace in my MD state.... Sometimes fantasy is like the only escape . Hopefully your year is surprisingly better than you imagine :)
Comment by mary g on December 31, 2013 at 5:33pm

ouch!look whos grumpy this year....

but i do echo your sentiments tis is EXACTLY the way i feel.when i read this i was like did he just read  my mind or what..

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