What comes first, the chicken or the MDD?

Hmm.  I've been managing my MDD pretty well (although not perfectly) this week.  I've started learning a new language, I've come out as an MDDer to my husband, and I'm trying to withdraw from my iPod (probably harder than admitting the MDD to my husband).  BUT.....I'm anxious as hell. 

 

I'm really tired, I'm irritated, I can't sleep properly, I'm comfort eating, I haven't worked out.  I always assumed the MDD served as something I did to protect and isolate myself when I felt a little bit chicken about things that were happening to me.  But perhaps I'm a little chicken about stopping the MDD!  I'm an anxious person anyway, and I guess focusing on the MDD will make me worry about it even more than usual. 

 

So I've decided to cut myself a little slack.  Tonight - no work, no housework, no expectations. 

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Comment by McNamara on September 1, 2011 at 11:58am

Hi folks! 

Gloriana - you're totally right about the perfectionistic tendencies!  I would be very confident that all MDDers have this trait - MDDing is the only time that if we get it wrong, we can instantly re-write an event/conversation/whatever, albeit only in our heads!  And EMF - I also surf the net to look at my current crush!  I think how you described the declining a nice social event in order to live your fantasy life is so indicative of the MDD - and also the reason I'm trying to control mine. ..

I lost my mother to breast cancer last year.  The last few months were like living in a horror movie, I'm not kidding.  Her suffering and last agonies were horrifying to witness and although (I hope) she didn't see how distressed we were to see her in such a state, my sister and I were pretty traumatised by it all.  She was so sick that she tried to overdose on her morphine - it was so terrible for her.  During that time, I didn't MDD at all, between working full time and looking after her and my sister (who also became sick) there simply wasn't time.  I would hate myself if I became this ill so young (she died at 57) and had missed out on thousands of hours with real people who love me and whom I love because of the MDD.  I know you're talking about a simple social occasion - but when we add them all up, it amounts to so much time lost to MDD that we could spend making real memories with real people.  Sorry, I think I'm talking too much so will shut up now!!!

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