Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Wow...Wild Minds has been buzzing with activity lately! I remember when I first joined I was lucky to see a post once a week on here. Now there are multiple posts every day, and I'm lucky if I even get to read any of them!
For those of you who haven't talked to me on here before-or even heard of me-my name is Jennifer, and I'm 15 years old. I discovered last November about MD, and I have been part of this site since then. I remember when I used to be a rookie to all of this. :P
My reason for posting this blog is because I just thought I'd share what happened to me in school today with my best friend. We were in English class, and we were discussing something out of a book, and somehow the book reminded me of my daydreams. (I only have one daydream, and I just keep adding on every time I daydream...If you know what I mean). I don't remember what the book was about at this very moment, but that's not stupposed to be the topic of this blog. What I'm taking the time to type this up for is what I'm going to say next: I said, "My God, I've been having really vivid daydreams lately...Like, I feel like I'm actually there, like I'm actually part of my daydreams." I was horrified once I realized I said that out loud. I mean, she knows about my daydreams, but she doesn't really know everything about them. Don't get me wrong, I've told her sooo many things, so she's totally used to me bringing the subject up every once in a while, but I just don't think she really understands it in depth. She only knows what I tell her, and there's a LOT I haven't told her.
But, anyways, I look up, and she was giving me this "strange" look...Like she was kind of fascinated by what I just said, and she asked what I meant. I explained it to her a little more in detail, and when I first started explaining it, I was thinking, "You should just stop talking, and you shouldn't have even brought this up in the first place. You sound like an idiot, she's not going to understand what you're talking about! She's going to think you're a total freak, and you're just going to embarrass yourself." I really regretted bringing it up in the first place, but then trying to explain it to her made me feel like even more of a complete idiot! But when I looked at her, and I mean really looked at her, I was in shock to see the expression on her face. I felt like, as I was attempting to explain all of this to her, she was actually listening, and actually trying to understand. She had this mere look of concentration on her face, she was looking into my eyes, and her head was cocked sideways, and she was listening! I felt like she wasn't thinking, "Oh, wow, what a freak. She's making this all up, and she's just saying all of this." I feel like my friend really tries to listen, and I don't think I've ever realized this before. It really made me realize how lucky I am to have a friend who really pays attention and listens to me when I am talking about something that's hard for me to talk about with people, and that's a sensitive subject. I mean, just the fact that she accepted that I'm mentally ill in the first place was enough. She really didn't seem to mind that I have something that's considered to be a "mental disorder." Not only did she not mind, but she really helped me through it, too. And she still does.
I guess today made me realize that I'm pretty darn lucky to have a best friend who listens. I know what I was saying probably comes off as just a bunch of nonsense to her, and it probably just goes right over her head most of the time, but I realized today that she really does try to get it. Also, many times in the past she's asked me what exactly I daydream about, and I'll have to admit, this is a really tough subject for me. It's so personal to me for so many different reasons, and I also fear that if I told anyone, and I mean anyone, they would think I was a complete weirdo, crazy, sick-minded, or scary. But the fact that I was able to tell her is just insane to me. Seriously, I couldn't even tell my mom. -__- My mom knows about MD, but she doesn't understand nearly as much as my friend does, and I wouldn't dare to tell her even half of what my friend knows. It means a lot to me that I am able to tell my best friend such personal things without her going, "Ew, what the hell?" Or, "What is wrong with you?" Or, "You are so disgusting. How does a 15 year old girl even come up with such a horrible scenario," or, "Why are you telling me this?" Or even, "You need to go to a doctor, you're really mental." Because, I know if I told other snotty girls I go to school with, that's the exact reaction I would get. But with my friend, it's not like that. And it's funny; it has always been a 'fantasy' of mine, as a little girl, to grow up and have true friends. As a little girl, I envisioned true friends as people who will stick by my side, take care of me when I really needed it, trust me to take care of them, support me, appreciate my presence, and be there for me through thick and thin. And it's also funny how just the simplest thing made me realize that I have that.
Thanks, Erica. You've always been there for me, supporting me with my Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder, and I don't think I've ever told you how grateful I am for it. =)