Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I want to share my graduation exam story to reveal a brilliant aspect of the brain.
We got a month to prepare for the exam. Obviously everyone learned all year, but this extra month was considered to be the time when everyone " gets ready for the exam ". However, I was not one of those people. No one would believe how I spent this month and I know it. It is possible that even I wouldn't believe it if someone else would tell me this.
While everyone else was studying and taking sleep pills to fight anxiety, I was hanging out in clubs, bars and mostly any place I could find. The reason is simple: I have no idea why I did this. Not everything that is simple has to be clear.
Anyway, I spent my afternoons and nights fooling around, picking up someone, ingesting alcohol and thinking about what is this all life about. It sounds awkward, but when my mother asked me " Why the hell aren't you studying ?!! " , I was just like " I have other important things to do. " - And somehow, it was true. I never felt so lost and so scattered like then. But unlike others, who tried to learn and to memorize lessons and information, I was trying to find my mind. I was trying to make up my mind. I suddenly realized that I'm 18 years old and I have no idea how is an adult supposed to be, how is an adult supposed to think/feel/behave, etc.
" You won't pass ! " , " What happens with you ? " , " Do you at least plan to go the exam ? " , " What the hell are you doing ? " , " Hellooooo........"
Every sentence, every word and every person was so far away from me. I picked excellently my time to philosophize about life. The problem was just that a few important exams were waiting for me and philosophy had nothing to do with them. I kept going on with my depraved lifestyle though and 4 weeks were over in no time. It was clear to me: I have no chance to pass these exams. No learning, not even 5 minutes of reading something.
Here in Europe, the exams are far more difficult than in America. I passed them.
Every time I entered the classroom, I felt a rush of coldness in myself. And that " What is done, is done. It doesn't matter anymore " kind of feeling. When you have NOTHING then there is only one thing that you can lose : temper. And if you lose your temper, you really lose everything.
There are two reasons why I passed these exams: one of them was my temper and the other one was my mind. Not only MY mind actually, but THE MIND. There are times when our mind lets us down, even though we wouldn't deserve it. On the other hand, there are times when our mind DOESN'T let us down, although we would deserve it.
I started to remember authors, formulas, lessons, basically most of the things that I've learned in high school. In those moments everything came to my mind.
I just let go of fear and focus on the great nothing in my mind. After all, great things can come from nothing ( see our Universe for example ).
My mother told us that if I'll pass the exams, she will get drunk ( she hates drinking ). Obviously she couldn't keep the promise, because she was so convinced that I won't make it, that she could even bet on her house.
I truly think that our mind is amazing. Watch the " Limitless " movie if you haven't seen it yet. It's worth it. The human mind is a territory of infinite possibilities and mysteries, and no matter how many persons underestimate us, we should never underestimate ourselves.