Where wild minds come to rest
I love the name of this site, it is so apt!
A little intro about me, I am 32, from New Zealand, I have a child, I'm single, I work with teenagers who have intellectual disabilities, and I have a very wild mind.
I have experienced MD since the age of 5, that's the youngest I can remember but maybe even younger than this...I thought nothing of it until my early teens. I honesty thought everyone did it. But as I matured I started to realise it wasn't normal or healthy.
It has always been triggered or fed into by bad experiences. It has always been a coping mechanism. As much as I "love" it, I also hate it with a passion. But it has helped me cope with many traumatic situations. It has also wasted probably a good 80 per cent of my life. The only reason I pull myself away at all is that I have to work to support my child and pay the mortgage, and I have a child hence have to interact!
Like so many of you it seems, I thought I was alone. I actually Googled this about six months ago but didn't use the right words, and thought I had proved that I was indeed crazy as I expected. Then I tried again recently and managed to find this place.
I do find the use of the word "Daydream" bothersome. By definition of the word I'm not sure this is what I do. It's not idle, nor pleasant, sure it is dreamlife fantasy, but the word daydream is too harmless, happy and whimsical to describe what I do!
Like many of you, I want to cut down, I can't honestly say I will ever give up. I tried to quit "cold turkey" last year and just about had a mental breakdown. I need to work on coping mechanisms before I can fully pull myself out of my head. I just drive myself crazy.
I have had insomnia my entire life because of this. I know many of you can relate. I sometimes literally don't sleep all night, then have to get up and cope with work, raising a child and everything else in life. It is insane I have gone on for this long. I fight sleeping pills. I have been literally sedated and still stayed awake to MD.
I think the thing that bothers me to most about the MD is how self-absorbed it has made me. I am irritable and annoyed when real people bother me. Including my own child at times which is so awful. But it is like an alcoholic forced to quit drinking in the middle of getting buzzed.
I exist completely only in my head. I struggle to cope with the real world and real people. I lack connection, except to characters in my head.
I know this is all normal to you guys, which is why this place is awesome. and also a very surreal place for me to finally be.