Stuck in Reality, I Miss My DDs

[Hana]

It's been about a month since I last blogged here. My life is very hectic right now. I've been EXTREMELY busy this summer and I've kinda been going out of my mind. Everything is so stressful and I have all this responsibility and I have to be the person who does everything (it's not like anyone else could do it right anyway). I don't think I'm even making sense right now...... UGH.

This is probably the first time in this past month where I've had any real alone time, and technically I'm supposed to be working. But I'm so tired, I just want to relax and DD.

I'm trying to run a youth group. I'm trying to run a children's game night. I'm trying to coordinate Vacation Bible School. I'm trying to plan a block party. I'm trying to find a paying job. I'm trying to keep my family together. I'm trying to make time for my friends. All of these things. 

I'm so stressed. And I honestly think it's because of my lack of daydreaming. When I get the few rare moments of time to myself, I try to go off into a daydream. But, and I'm thinking it's because of my stress, lately I haven't really been able to daydream. My DD's are always very rushed now. They don't have a lot of depth and they don't really consume me like they used to. And I think it's making my stress worse.

I can't seem to come up with anything new either. I try to DDing and it's all stuff I've created before but suddenly I'm reminded that I need to make a few phone calls or cut out posters or color in gigantic murals or paint a chair and I get sucked back to reality and I frantically go back to trying to figure everything out on my own. If only I could share some of these responsibilities..... but no one really wants to help me, they may say they do, but they don't. It's actually kinda the story of my life. Everybody's always assumed I could do things on my own and I get stuck in the position of having to be an adult while everybody else gets to be a kid.... sigh.

I just really wanna Daydream again. Like I used to.

[Hana]

I definitely need to take a break, I know I want to, but I can't. I definitely am a control freak and a perfectionist, it's not that I want to be, I just am. I don't like letting people down, if some one is depending on me I WILL be there and I will stick with whatever it is until the end. And people see this about me, so yea, they do admire, love, and respect me, but then they also get it in their minds that I can just do everything on my own without any help from anybody. Seriously, no one can do that. I'm only 21. I'm new at this sort of thing. I've never done this before and I need help. And for some reason or another, all the people who are capable and experienced, the people that actually CAN help me, offer their help but never follow through. And all those who do help me, suck at anything I ask them to do and make things harder for me. 

And speaking of burn out..... I woke up this morning terribly sick. Sore throat, stuffed nose, ear ache, head ache, body ache, and a fever, and a To-Do list for the day. How am I supposed to do anything like this? A handful of painkillers and mint tea will only get me so far...

But okay, it's time to be a grown up now. I know what I have to do. It goes against my nature to just sit back and let other people do things. I have to do all this stuff. I'll push forward and work hard the next couple of weeks. After VBS is over I can relax for a bit. Thank you all for your comments, they give me encouragement and help me put things into prospective. Can I ask that if any of you are believers in God, maybe you could keep me in your prayers? I know you don't know me very well, but yea, it'd be nice. And as for my DDs, I'm sure they'll come back to me, they've stuck with me all my life, maybe after this break from them, they'll come back stronger and more interesting. 

[Cody]

This happened to me a couple of months ago. The only thing was that I was never used to living in reality. I also experienced true emotion in my life for the first time. I was literally going crazy trying to figure all this stuff out. My advice would be to throw away some of those responsibilities. Otherwise, like me, you could have a complete meltdown and those ain't fun!