For the past few weeks, or maybe even months, I have found it very difficult to get myself motivated to do much of anything anymore. Every so often when I run out of dishes I do my dishes. I do my laundry once a week. And that's about it. I haven't been able to really clean the place in awhile. I'm also finding it harder and harder to get myself out of bed anymore. This is really scary because it might eventually get me fired as I'm calling in sick way too many times lately on those days I just can't get myself to get up and out of bed.

I have had ongoing issues with depression since about the same time the MDD started, which was around grade 7 or so. In the past year, I finally convinced my doctor that I needed help because I couldn't see myself pulling out of this depression on my own. He put me on an anti-depressant and got me into this self-help program called Bounce Back.

I have asked him many times if he could refer me to a psychologist because I feel my problems are much bigger than just depression. I truly feel lost and devoid of any joy in my life. He never listened to me concerns, so I took it upon myself to find one.

I have an appointment with him next week. I'm not sure what I hope to achieve out of this, but I need to find a solution to this issue soon. It is affecting my ability to live life to its fullest, and I'm finding it more and more difficult to find anything to look forward to.

Any advice on what I would say to this psychologist so he can understand my situation clearly would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading this.

Mell

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Comment by Ulaan Gom on September 25, 2016 at 5:05pm

My heart goes out to you, and based off the struggles that many of us on this site have been through, I know situations will get better. When describing your condition to the psychologist, it honestly depends on what you've been through and how you feel about it. Based off my experiences, I would describe MDD as a strong addiction to alternate realities (daydreams) that especially kicks in when I think about aspects or situations in my life that I don't like or are painful. Daydreaming drains my motivation to take action in real life, because much like a drug, it creates an emotional "high", and with repeated exposures to these highs, the pleasures in real life seem less appealing, and the problems more excruciating. This numbness MDD creates with reality only tempts me even more to daydream. I would also describe my daydreams as largely uncontrollable. I've tried many times with the force of my will to stop daydreaming, but often my mind just starts daydreaming nevertheless, must like an alcoholic trying to stay away from drinks who ends up binging. 

This is how I would describe my experience, but obviously yours might have some different aspects to it. Maybe if the psychologist needs more background on MDD, I would show him a video or an article explaining what the condition is.

I truly wish you the best of luck, and please don't hesitate to reach out to any of us if you need help. I know things will get better!

Comment by alona on September 19, 2016 at 7:40am

Hi Mell!

I'm really sorry to hear you're having problems. I guess the best thing to do would be completely honest- and open- about everything you feel. Sometimes it's hard to completely open up to a stranger like that, but that's the only way he'd be able to help you. And I guess really just stay strong and fight it. As hard as you can.

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