It's Thursday February 24th; I'm 21 years old and currently go to my community college, however I didn't have class today and I have accomplished nothing all day but to lay in my bed and think about fantasies in my head. I've from time to time wondered if my excessive daydreaming was normal? My desire to do nothing except for lay in my bed and dream about lovers and struggles between good and evil for HOURS on end! Not wanting to get out of bed even after a full nights rest. Why was I ok with not having to socially interact? Why did I procrastinate? Why was I so consumed on laying in my bed fantasizing that I wasn't able to do everyday activities such as study?
Was I depressed? I didn't think so...once I was able to pry myself from my bed to accomplish obligations such as making it to class, work, or church, I was a perfectly functioning young woman. However when I am not bound by obligation I tended to find myself doing a lot of nothing.
Which brings me back to it being Thurday, no class, me laying in my bed just thinking. I'm currently involved in this "alternate" reality where I'm getting married to a man named Poe, we've been dating since freshman year of college. Poe and I live together; he a very successful business man while I am an average waitress. So over the last couple weeks of my daydreaming plot, I convinced commitment phobe Poe to marry me. Today's fantasty included a lovely dinner with us and our parents before the wedding, the day of the wedding and reception.
The whole time while I am doing nothing I could have been getting a head in my history class by reading chapter 5 and 6 or I SHOULD be studying for calculus! However all I'm able to do is pass over the idea on what I SHOULD be doing. I leave my room to find something to munch on, wander to the tv to check what's on, maybe watch an episode of my favorite HGTV show, then always end up wander back in my room.
For years I've just chalked my behavior up to being lazy. I'd get frustrated with myself for being so caught up on my stupid fantasies when I should be out accomplishing something that mattered! I don't have class Tuesdays or Thursdays so when I made my schedule I vowed I'd use these days to study...why not I had the whole day. However 98% of the time I spend it "daydreaming" of me being a powerful rogue, having super powers, having a love affair with a beautiful powerful man. My dreams being so elaborate I spend hours just going over them. In one of my day dreams I have children...Alan, Bo, May and Lexine, last name Ottoman, my husband Steven. It's like a movie where there is a storyline. I find a man, we get married, I'm pregnant, I have children...certain "stories" can go on for months!
So as I lay in my bed, it being 9pm, the day is over...the studying I should have done, I didn't do. This is not only a scenerio that happens once and a while but almost all the time! I get so confused on how I just let the days slip away without living. Anyways so it's 9pm and I decided to search the internet to see what would pop up if I searched my weird behavior...like I said before I chalked it up to laziness, so I googled paralyzed by laziness. Well I wasn't able to find anything that I felt fit me so I googled I daydream a lot. What first came up was anixety disorders that lead to FPP which is fantasy prone personality. I would consider myself fantasy prone so I searched FPP but as I read into the meaning it didn't fit my "tendencies" at all. I can distingush between reality and fantasy! I didn't experience hallucinations or out of body experiences!!! Yes I like to fantasize but I wasn't crazy! To make a long story short (too late) I found a yahoo answer who had explained what seemed to be what I was doing and he called it Maladaptive daydreaming.
Shocked I searched for a what this maladaptive daydreaming is! Come to find out wow how can this be a real disorder! I almost wanted to cry as I read over the details and symptoms. Could my "laziness" and obession with my imaginary world truly be a mental disorder!?
Now I am here to discover more about what I am experiencing! This confusion...how can this be attitude...shocked...I never would have imagined my constant dreaming which interfered with my everyday existence to possibly have a name!
Finding this community I quickly made an account so I could share my discovery and read other peoples stories.
I'm scared. I've never mentioned my daydreams to anyone. I didn't see them as the problem but the problem being my need to be so lazy. I'm having a hard time taking in my lazy quirky behavior to be a mental disorder...a mental disorder with an actually name...I'm not the only one who does this...?
I've decided to blog to keep a tab on my thoughts as I research more on maladaptive daydreaming. I have a feeling of excitement as I finally have a name to my behavior but I'm still very shocked and reluctant.... :^/