Snapping in and out

[Larry]

I promised my self I'd write in my blog. I have adjusted to my new meds and the cloud (MD) is once again washing over my brain and I'm having trouble just writing in my iPod journal.

It seems every time I get put on a new psychotropic drug I snap out of Electric Larry Land....but only for a 2 to 3 weeks. Then it comes back. Slowly at first...starting with the ruminations, then moving to  night time DD's, then to work DD's and then before I know it I'm chugging a pot and a half of coffee, smoking a pack of cigarettes before work, and pacing around in my man cave mumbling to myself.

It has always worked this way. Just when I thought I was rid of this curse it comes back, and usually in severity to make up for lost time.

The other things that snap me out of it are new surroundings(especially travel), and emergencies. But it always comes back.

Alcohol will snap me out of it for a bit and relieve my anxiety to a point. The anxiety will eat through the alcohol if I become so inebriated that I can't DD. Just the thought of not having the ability to DD will set me off into a panic. Alcohol is my self-medicine of choice though. I have to become nearly incoherent for  my DD's to become affected.

 

I have tried marijuana as well(as soon as it became legal in my State) and have had a similar effect. As soon as I lose my ability to DD I panic. That and I just don't really care for the high all that much. My DD's are a hundred times more relaxing and soothing as any kind of drug or alcohol.

The only drugs I actually abuse are cigarettes and coffee. These things help me focus on my DD's  and help me go deeper into them.

Anyway, that's my blog for the time being. Hope to use meditation to keep myself going with all the improvements I'm trying to make...including writing in the blog.