Where wild minds come to rest
For the past week, I have really been thinking about my MDD and how my desire to do it is slowly diminishing. Like, all my scenarios are old boring, repetitive, tedious and just not much fun anymore. I've been wanting to stop for awhile now but I always seems to get pulled into my daydreams anyway.Ii still get knots in my stomach if I go long hours without doing it because I'm at school or if I'm bored because of the addiction part of it. Honestly, the only reason I do it now is because it's still kind of an addiction. But the more boring my scenarios are, the less the time I spend doing them. Sometimes, I would be in the middle of a daydream and just completely stop because it's just down right boring and tedious but if I'm bored what other choice do I have? I'm happy my DD is slowly wearing off because I' am tired of doing it and being this way.I use to MDD for hours now I only do it for like 30 mintues to 1 hour.Usually if I think of a new scenario I can go for a another hour maybe but over all it never goes past a few hours. I' am scared that I will lose my creativity if I stop but I plan on taking up art and poetry so I wont lose that creative, whimsical, healthy imaginative side of me. I hope I get out of this addiction soon.
My daydreaming started when I was about 5. I have only 1 sibling who is a boy so I never had anyone to talk to which is where I think the urge to talk out loud came from. My MDD became worse when I feel head over heels for this boy band group.(I know sad right) I would pretend to talk to them using my posters of them and using my headphones to block out the world and into my fantasy world. I think my biggest cause of my MDD is wanting to create my dream life or wanting to able to talk to certain people or being in a certain place that if I couldn't go there, I would just imagine myself there until I got there or as a substitute for not being able to live in a certain place or look a certain way etc,. I guess its just my desire to always wanting to be somewhere else even though my real life wasn't bad or not really any trauma. It just a desire to make my dreams that aren't impossible come true, I' am just not working towards them because I'm to busy daydreaming about what it will be like instead of just staying in reality and working towards it.
What about you all? Have any of you started to feel the addiction wear off and daydreaming scenarios are just becoming boring?