religious differences

[Poopsie Holbrook]

so in a some tizzy over religious comments and I don't know how to deal with it. of course I can't daydream a good outcome to it.

First off I have nothing against any religion. Here's my back story, I married a looser sailor that cheated on me and dumped me in oklahoma thousands of miles away from any family or my friends. I meet a great guy here and who knew after trying for 6 years with pos husband it only takes 4 months to get pregnant, I had given up on ever having kids at this point. He's a great guy but his family really has issues. My boyfriend is non religous and I'm Wiccan (granted a lazy one). Well his stepmother is super christian but she had offered to throw me a baby shower. I know only a few people here so I accepted.

Well one day I guess some church sent a whole bunch of thier teenagers to peddle their religion door to door. after prying my 7 month pregnant butt out my futon several times I made a sign saying no soliciting and that means religion too but girlscouts welcome. ( really only wanted at that moment to get up for thin mints) I figured I was saving us both time, they didn't have to give me some speal about coming to their church and I didn't have to say "no thanks" and closing the door in their face.

Boyfriends brother ( I don't even want to mention his issues) came by on one of our few shared days off. I work days and bf works nights. brother throws a tantrum because bf won't go play frisbee golf but spend time with me. plenty of other days he can go while I'm working but thats not kosher with him. Anyways he stomps off me me me bitching out the door. a week later same thing fight worsens sees my sign, insults fly.

halloween comes we get 2 trick or treaters and bf complains about it on facebook, his father returns its our sign and that my bf has been brainwashed by the people he hangs out with against religion. I'm pretty much all he hangs out with. I beleive everyone has a choice on which or even if they want to belong to a religion. Bf had no religion when I met him and he has none now. I'm not brocasting wiccan but I'm sure not hiding either.

out come his dad texts him to see if its ok to drop off the crib and swing they got us saturday so no baby shower. I guess I feel a bit awkward after asking the few people I do know here for addresses for the shower and now there won't be one. I changed jobs so I do want to see them again we had so much fun together. I really really just want to go home. I'm so tired of missing family and the friends I grew up with. I love my boyfriend and we can't afford a move that big and almost a year later and stupid divorce still isn't final. I find it really hard to tell him that I really truly do not want to spend the rest of my life in this state.

after that I asked for some advice on wiccan moms facebook page big mistake since she saw it and this is the message I got.

"I am writing this after seeing what you Tabitha wrote about us on the Wiccan Mom's fb page. I don't track what you do, but as we all know, everything that everyone does is able to be viewed in the little scrolling news feed. I hate this but it is what it is.

First let me say, I don't want this issue of "religion" to become a bigger issue between us than it already seems to be. Things have been said on both sides, whether right or wrong that can't be taken back. This is where both sides are wrong.

We are all adults and we choose to live our lives the way that we see fit and that we best understand. I do not harshly judge if someones chooses to live their lives in a way different than what I do. Everyone is able to make their own choices on what they choose to follow ~ I have not always been in a life as an "uber Christian" but I can tell you this. There is no way I would ever choose to go back to my old life of sin when I compare it to the life I have now. Is my life perfect? Absolutley not! But my life in Christ is amazingly better than it was before. We don't have the struggles in many areas that we had, plus where I was in such a negitive light before, it just is not there anymore.

I will say this though ~ For us being judged as "uber or super Christians" who are going to "influence" your kid, it is funny as to who is always, almost on a daily basis posting some sort of belief-bashing picture on their fb. IT IS NOT US, Tabitha ~ It is you. Almost on a daily basis ~ you post some sort of pic that bashes Christianity ~ But yet you have not and will not ever see that from us.

If you choose not to have anything to do with us then that is your choice, not to be blamed on the fact that you don't like us for what we are choosing in our life. Just as we have not chosen to exclude you from our lives b/c of the path that you have chosen. If this were the case then we would not have purchased a baby bed, swings, baby bath and tons of clothes for Tristian.

If you choose to exclude Tristian from our lives b/c you don't want good, honest people to influence him in his life to live it to the best of his ability and love everyeone regardless of their differences, then that is on you ~ not to be blamed on us.

The fact of a shower or no shower, Tabitha, has no bearing at all on your belief choice and that judgment on me is a harsh one. It is due to the fact that there are no places that I think would be halfway enjoyable to you availiable and honestly b/c everytime I have spoken with you about it from day one, I have had the feeling that you could really careless if you had a shower or not. It is just me trying to build a relationship with the mother of our future grandson. Simply, that is all it is and for you to judge me b/c of my choice of religion is very hurtful.

Let's all be adults and be the good, non-judgemental people that I know that each of us are called into being in our own spiritual journey.

We can agree to disagree in this matter ~

Kelli"

I don't know what to say at this point or if I even want to. its just one more thing I don't need or want to deal with. I know I don't want my son taken to church or pressured to believe in their god and be saved.  I was pressured as a child to tears by church people when I didn't even have a religious identity.  And its really awfull but sometimes I just want to run and keep my child all to myself. I grew up just me and mom, this to me seems like a lot of people want their paws on my kid. pregnancy horomones must be running me for a loop, I just want my family and to go home. I feel like I have no one to talk too and just plain trapped.

[Poopsie Holbrook]

It goes from the sign on the door which had nothing to do with them to the brainwashing comment made by his father on the facebook page, baby shower called off, I ask on wiccan moms fb advice on dealing with super christian inlaws.  then I get stepmoms message. My boyfriend doesn't want any religious influences and he sure doesn't think of that women as our sons grandmother. we disagree on religion but he says I don't have one since I don't do anything wiccan. I'm not super religious but I intend to share what I want to about my religion with my child. I guess I'm selfish about this, as a kid growing up with just a mom as she was kicked out and raised me alone, that everyone else's feelings on my kid are second to mine. even the fathers. I don't want him to be taken to church or around people that will tell him he'll go to hell for not being saved.  I read what my bfs father posts on his facebook should he post a dirty joke cartoon and I don't want that attitude pointed at my son. I'm angry and I've got too much on my plate. the bf says just don't respond and thats what I'm gonna do. I don't need one more thing to obsessively deal with, its going to the back and I may not even get to it this year. if they don't see him till he's 4 then it will be just like my grandparents.

[taffle]

Maybe you should explain to your bf's mom about your background and experiences with Christianity, and maybe she'll understand where you're coming from.

I respect people of every religion. I used to have a hard time choosing what to believe in so I tried out Wicca, New Age, Christianity, etc before I settled on Buddhism. But even Buddhism is not perfect.

Before I got into Buddhism, I was introduced to Christianity by a group of women, and they treated me very nicely. But, no matter how much fun we had or how many free food they gave me, I was never satisfied; reading about all that wrath and murder in the bible makes me feel uncomfortable, although there were some good passages. I also feel like a hypocrite because the only reason why I joined the Christian group was because I liked the friendships and felt like I fit in, not because I truly identify as a Christian. So, eventually, I told myself, enough is enough and I will just tell them the truth because I can't live this lie anymore. So I told those Christian women about what I truly thought about Christianity. I told them about how the ceremony of eating the flesh and drinking the blood of Christ is like cannibalism, how there's so much wrath and murder in the bible, etc etc. I must have offended them and they must have thought I was attacking their religion, because I put them on the defensive. I also had poor social skills so I didn't word my email in a tactful way. Over the next few months, we fell out and a year later, they stopped contacting me.

When you post something on fb attacking Christianity, you probably offended your bf's parents. Also, it's public, so definitely don't post anything like this on fb. Maybe consider joining a Wiccan forum where you can voice your thoughts without putting Christians on the defensive.

[Crissy]

I know that it feels like they are trying to get their paws or your child but chances are that they are just excited about the edition to their family. Remember that the more people in this world that love your child the better off he/she is. If you raise an open minded free thinking child then you have nothing to worry about.
I'm sorry that you had a bad experience at church. That should never happen to any child. It's hateful & uncalled for them to have treated you that way. But be sure you aren't seeing their faces when speaking to your in laws. It isn't fair for them to pay the price for what some over zealous assholes did to you.
Restrict their access to what you post & vise versa if you don't want to see their daily bible post. Once your child is of age to understand make it clear that they are not to speak to him/her about religion in any way. If they violate your wishes then restrict their access.
Good luck & congrats on your lil one:)

[greyartist]

She said she was responding to what you posted. Facebook is a very bad place to rant. I never post anything on FB that I don't want the whole world to see. We have to be careful to be as torlorate of other as we want them to be of us. I don't know what you wrote but it would seem to her it felt hurtful and bashing her beliefs. Whether or not that is valid, it is the way she perceived it.

When I broke away from the main stream christain churches my mother in law wrote me a harsh letter saying I had lurded her son away from his God or something like that. When he never would go to church anyway. I didn't leave my God, just organized religion. We stopped doing xmas, easter, etc, anything that had pagan roots (nothing against the pagans, it just was not for me to mix the two)and started doing the festivals in the bible. Passover, hanukkah, etc. So I was following the bible more then she was, but to her I was the devil. It was a tough first year when we skipped her xmas dinner and all. But she settled down and finally excepted that we where different and we get along fine now.

So time will help if you just let it settle, may be one of those thing you just can't talk about around each other. Open a Facebook account under a different email and name then don't friend any family. Then you can talk freely in your groups, but you should still not bash family, there is karma to think of. :) And talk to your boyfriend about moving. Maybe a compromise inbetween the sets of inlaws, a few states away.

I hope things work out for you, try not to stress to much. Sttess is not good for the baby.