Relapse?

[Jae]

I made it a couple weeks without pacing. 

I relapsed recently- but in a different way than before. 

Usually, there was one place (my bedroom) where I could pace and daydream for hours. 

I've been able to avoid pacing there since February 14th, but in turn, I've begun pacing in other places, like a locked bathroom or the halls of my house when everyone is gone. It feels like a relapse, although the severity of the pacing is lowered because my time is limited and can be interrupted in the new places I spend daydreaming. 

It's kind of humiliating though. I'll run a bath and pace while it fills so that my time spent in the bathroom makes more sense to others, but taking 3-4 hour baths a day isn't healthy...And what I'm doing for most of that time isn't healthy either. 

(I'd go on more walks, but the streets are laced with ice, so it's dangerous to wander off in my head this time of year.)

It's hard. Trying to work with this is hard. 

I don't know what to do. Here's my S.O.S, what can help? 

[TheSkylar89]

Hi.. I know exactly how you feel! I've been living alone and unemployed for the past few months because I have to study for my board exams and my DDs were at their peak.. wasting whole days at a time!

From what I learned through trial and error is that cutting cold turkey never works, and cutting down won't work unless you have a replacement. So you need to get to the core of why you MDD in the first place and treat that!

For me i've always had a low key depression and anxiety, I hated my life, I only realized in my late twenties that my childhood was very emotionally and verbally abusive and that was my root cause! I've been processing that abuse for the past year, learned to build healthy boundaries and improved my self esteem..etc

But what had really tamed my MDD was youtube daily yoga (I know it sounds crazy) but seriously give it a try, stick to basics! a nice place to start is the "yoga with Adrienne" channel..I didn't start yoga for MDD, I did it for studying at first (jus googled yoga for mental focus and did the same video over and over daily) but noticed within a couple of weeks that I MDD a lot less and I'm a lot more productive! also my MDDs are now less fantasy and more reality situations like practicing saying something for instance!

I think the key to toning down MDD is feeling satisfied and in control of your real life! find something that makes you feel powerful.. try something new and fun!