Realizing new things in my life related to gad-md and therapy

[Raz]

Didn't want to set a title warning about this being vent/rant/drama because they are my real feelings, but i guess others may see it that way so you know what to do, stop reading and go do something else.

That said i'll start: it's 3h30am, i took my 2mg rivotril at dinner time and it usually knocks me down feel hours later. GAD is back for sure and it's been time it doesn't show up as heavy as this. I'm dead tired and still thoughts won't stop. i found myself going through topics and topics in the last couple of hours while lying in bed without being able to sleep. 

I have realized that my usual daydreams that are peaceful tend to take their time but fade into sleeping while the ones lead by GAD keeps me awake going on and on about situations to come, situations that had gone already and obviously only making it into a vicious cycle where the more i think about it the more anxious i am. Getting anxious makes it difficult to sleep and knowing i need to be up early tomorrow the more anxious i get. So, there's no escaping it besides lying in bed and trying to forget, trying to stop my own thoughts. 
I'm still not sure but it's a possibility that this is how my GAD relates to my MD in some situations. I wonder if anyone out there who has GAD + MD can relate to that.

I also had a very nice conversation with a teacher/friend these days where i realized i really need therapy. During our conversation many stuff she said ranged a bell for me professionally while others made me realize i need desperately to talk to people who knows what GAD/panick/depression/md and all the other stuff together can mean plus being supportive/non-judgmental. I was always reserved and people/friends do not know details about my life which makes me hear stuff like "Your life is easy, you have everything, so much talent and blablabla...". I do know that there are many people out there with heavier problems and deeper wounds, but hearing that kind of stuff makes me feel completely disconnected and misunderstood. Or like i have no right to be this way since my reasons are not good enough, my traumas are not bad enough.
Usually it's part my fault for being reserved so there's no way the other person knows more than what i portray/fake to be. But i guess this is it: i finally realized i need therapy and i need to talk about what's making me so anxious, what made me so depressed in the past, what made me this or that and be freaking honest instead of going to therapy and not being able to say what i need to say. That's it. I can't be strong to fight for what i want if i'm fighting myself, everyone around and getting no support whatsoever.