Huge blog entry: Would you meet people you DD about? And how much they affect your life?

[Raz]

As many of you know, since i've talked about it a little on chat/forum, usually my DD  is about a relationship with someone else. In the last couple of years 2/3 people have been in my DD quite frequently. One of those people is an artist i admire a lot and i follow his work through his blog and twitter. I used to DD about him a lot in the past but eventually it faded away and i was able to keep following his work without DDing about him. So one day i opened twitter and he was saying he was going to travel to take part in a event in a city near where i live. That made me nervous and made me question so much stuff about MD and myself. My first thought was "should i go there or not?". It was a public event and he would be there to "talk to fans" so he was actually inviting people to show up. I decided not to go and try not to think over it but it did cross my head that i should actually go and meet him since i spent so much time DDing over him. It also made me question how much i want my DDs to be real or not. 

I was very anxious during that day but decided to stick with my decision of not going. Then he uploaded a picture on his profile and i recognized it seconds later as being VERY close to my house. I live near a beach and he posted a picture of that. Somehow he got time to visit it before the event. I was very anxious. It wasn't a matter of me going to some event to see him, he was just there across the street... I kept thinking i shouldn't go and avoided opening twitter/facebook so i wouldn't know anything related to where he was. I felt pathetic about it and realized how much i am actually affected by MD and what i experience in MD. Maybe all of this was easier because i wasn't DDing about him as much as i was in the past but still... I can't help but feel very stupid when i put into words how my DDs are. This is part of the problem why i haven't been able to talk about it to a doctor. I feel pathetic. I feel that only 12 year old girls are allowed to daydream with their favourite artists. 

My main and later DD is about someone else who is also an artist i admire. He's very reserved and usually only talks about his work so there are very few pictures and information about him. He announced he got married recently and no one even knew he was dating. This was also a huge surprise and i don't even know how to describe how i felt. I felt anxious and scared. Scared because i was scared of feeling like i was rejected or got my heart broken. Have you ever been in this situation? I realize many people don't DD like this but i feel i need to hear others stories so i can get over it. It makes absolutely no sense to be sad about it but for a while i felt sad that he got married. Since this episode i have avoided DDing about him and it's been around 1 month since that i guess. Before that i was DDing more than i ever did. I have been blocking my DDs about him but I'm scared i try to substitute him for someone else and keep MD up. I want to use this chance to stop MDing over other people i will never meet and who never will be in my life but i feel extremely weak when it comes to facing MD. 

Ok, so i just wrote the longest blog post i ever did! lol But i felt i needed to share this and hear what others have to say. I'll probably erase this later. Thanks for reading! :)

[Floris]

I mentioned "It's better to have romantic (or just sexual) fantasies about more common people you know or see. "

I like to do this, just to get an idea what it would be like. I read the warning below from Dreamcatcher and got worried a little. Disappointment can be an effect, but I think I somehow have a way to keep my fantasies from leading to that, since they're not a huge part of my fantasy life, in the sense that I am not obsessing on just one woman. I'm glad I don't do any obsessing anymore since it's so destructive.

The thing is, you could start to fill in blanks, have a full relationship in your mind, I never do that, I just imagine myself lying in bed with a woman I know or sitting on the couch with her and imagine conversations. I know enough of her personality to make these realistic. The fantasies fade as soon as I don't have stuff to talk about, since they can't say much back as a fantasy of somebody I don't know super well. It's more of a safe practice place for me to keep in mind what it would be like with her.  These fantasies sometimes help me realize certain women would not really suit me. Saves me time that way :-)

The most important thing is meeting more men/women, because seeing very little of them can make you obsessed to the most attractive one, trust me. Easier said than done, "just meet more people", but let's save that for another forum topic.

[Floris]

This blog post is not so long, just read mine hehe.

I recognize the fantasies but mine are more distant. I need a mediator with that world of artists and famous people and that is always my alter ego's who have access to that world. And I fantasize about my fantasy-me's forming relationships with famous people I happen to like at the time. It's nothing more than good fun.

I've noticed certain appreciations I have for famous women always stick, but my obsessions with actresses and singers have faded to a great extent. Really they're not that interesting to me anymore, their work is usually infinitely more interesting than the person behind it. I just see my fantasies as pure fun and have never seen the line crossed between real world and fantasy in the way you describe. It looks like you realized that maybe meeting the person IRL would increase your obsession and you'd become a stalker?

I would have no regrets and probably made the same decision. It also can be kind of boring and disenchanting to actually meet famous people because of their normality. So I wouldn't go out of your way to get a glimpse, but of course you would have been OK had you met him? The good thing would have been maybe it'd have helped you realize the distinction fantasy vs reality, reality is that many of these men can get any women they want and they probably will since they meet plenty of people. They do have problems and that is: falling in love with somebody who doesn't really love them for what they really are, stalkers and groupies (or much less bad variants) are often only in love with the public image or a fantasy, the private person is not that well known usually until an auto-biography comes up.

Falling in love with public people is not recommended as it fuels fantasies that cannot be fulfilled. I'd recommend to stick with fantasies that are mere fun, not too deeply involved with famous people. It's better to have romantic (or just sexual) fantasies about more common people you know or see. There are attractive people everywhere if you look around enough.

[Raz]

Elude, thanks for reading. I know you probably understand this very well and know how i felt since you've probably been through this before. That part about facts getting in the way of my DD makes me scared because i start to think that somehow i want them to be true. I used to feel "safe" knowing it's just a daydream but feeling sad because he married made me worried and uncertain. I'm also scared about moving on into another crush. Do you think it can be avoided ? Because right now i'm not dding about anyone and i want this to last longer.

Grace, thanks for reading too. So you ship this couple together and DD about them, right? I think that's healthier than what i do. I would imagine myself as the woman or her female character maybe and DD about it. I hope everything works fine for you in March. 

Dreamcatcher, nice to meet you. I also think that dding about fiction is better however i didn't exactly choose how i dd and i'm not sure i can do that. Right now i'm avoiding to dd about people because i feel this is the right time to try to stop it. I'm hoping i won't move on into another person. 

[Dreamcatcher]

That had to be really hard for you. Try DDing about fiction in the future - like you have already sugested yourself. I DD only about fictional characters and those created by myself. Only exception that proves the rule are e.g. bands & singers who perform in the nightclub of my DD character. DDing about real people will only hurt you when you realize their private lifes are different than you imagined.

[Grace]

I AM going to meet my main character in March. Well, both of them actually. At some kind of YouTube convention I guess, and I'm afraid. At first I thought it'd be easy, but now, I'm not even sure I want to meet him... I'm afraid I'll realize he isn't AT ALL who I want him to be... I know that he's not, but to actually see it, with my own eyes, it will break my heart, I just know it. But it's not just him, but the lady I imagine him with in my DD's... Its almost like fanfiction in a way, because I don't put myself with him, but a woman he used to date. I used to be able to switch characters. I wasn't attached. But when I saw the two together, it changed. This woman is now with another man, living with him. I can't watch her videos, I cry every time I see her with him. I only watch old videos. Ones of my two characters together. I feel so close to them, as if I knew how they felt, even though in reality, I'm sure they don't even think of each other... I feel like if I see that for myself, it will all become to real and crush me. I'm afraid I'll break down crying right there in front of them. So, no. I don't think I really want to meet them... It's reality. It's what I'm afraid of. It's why I daydream, I don't know whats gonna happen in March... i'll post about it, though, I'm sure...