Where wild minds come to rest
I am trying to quit MD. Go all the way this time. On my own 5 days in, and I am not doing it right.
I know that I have been skirting around any real deprivation. I have been going soft on myself, by allowing myself to watch DD-related stuff on Youtube. This is, as you might imagine, a waste of time. When I waste time like this, I know that I am wasting away. I can't look at myself in the mirror for more than 5 seconds without reeling from shame, because I really do have so much going for me.
I am already 25. I am an adult. And I cannot afford to slow myself down any longer with MD. I am working towards being an accomplished musician, and I am certain that it is MD (and whatever underlying problem once drove me to DD) that is preventing me from being serious.
But here's the catch- I can't know what these underlying issues are if I can't successfully stop most or all DD thoughts for some time. One very intense week at least.
It's a horrible feeling to not be able to identify with yourself for more than a few seconds. I want so much to grow out of this, but I am having some trouble.
I know there have to be people here who are trying to do this exact thing, at the same time as I am. And I know we are all here for each other as a given (<3). But I was wondering if there was one person, or a few people, who would enjoy, and need, the structure of having someone else to keep you from falling off the wagon. For me, nothing pulls me into reality more than having someone to report my progress to.
Please, send me a message if you are interested in being my sobriety buddy.
I love you all.