My MD experience. Its insane.

[asher jhonson]

SOMETIMES Music is one of the main problems, see ive created this world in my head that im this musician and i think about what ill do when im famous, and different situations like being on a damn talk show and explaining my music and the way i view life, and sometimes i get into arguements in my daydreams that include other people. I have no idea before i knew about MD i thought i was insane, then i saw something about schizophrenic people and that was one of the problems that they face about talking to people that arent there or something and it scared the christ out of me so i came to here talk. But this daydreaming became worse when i was 17 i tried marijuana for the first time, my mind exploded like i had opened pandoras box, then after the effect of the thc wore off my daydreams became brighter and more high definition if that makes any sense. But i have never touched MJ since i diddnt like the experience of smoking it cause i have adhd and i tripp toooo hard on it so i was like im NEVER doing that again and i held on to my resolution to this day. Its embarrasing to talk about lol i know im laughing right now as im typing its hilarious cause im normal when im around people and MD disapears but when i get alone or that little feeling of a nice complement from someone or get my self esteem high i start daydreaming and it makes me feel great but in a way it sucks cause time is passing me by and im not getting anywhere in life. And NIGHTS AND NIGHTS I have lost sleep because i cant stop consciously dreaming when im laying in bed, and i snap out of it realizing im not a famous musician im not this perfect person i keep imagining my self to be, i am just a regular human being living a normal life. Sometimes when i snap out of daydreaming and make myself realize reality i can become so depressed i want to die, But its just the emotion of wanting to, Im a christian so id never go through with it.  SORRY ABOUT THE SAD SENTENCE STRUCTURE I DONT REALLY CARE.. ha but if anyone relates or wants to talk im all for it. thanks!