Where wild minds come to rest
So where do I begin...
When I was a kid around 4-5 years old, I loved watching animated movies with my Grandmother at her place whenever my family visited. My Grandmother and I would always sit down and watch 101 Dalmatians together because it was my all time favorite Disney animated classic (it still is even today). And I think thats when my MD (Maladaptive Daydreaming) first started to develop. I remember trying to go to sleep one night and closing my eyes and then "poof" I was somewhere else.
I can remember my first experience being rather strange and random; I don’t even remember the random plot I put myself in, but I do remember eating what appeared to be dinner with Roger and Anita (from 101 Dalmatians) and laughing. To this day I can’t even remember what happened previously in that storyline to lead up to that point, so I assume that memory is locked away somewhere deep in my mind. Anyways I woke up the next morning just assuming it was part of a strange dream and decided to just move on but it never stopped: and thats why I’m here now.
Fast-forward a few years and I’m in elementary school being seriously bullied and picked on by the other kids. I don’t know what I did, All I said was I liked Star Wars more than Football, and next thing I knew I was going to be bullied for the next 6 years of elementary. During maybe the first 2 years my MD was probably in a dormant state. It was there of course, and I would use it to escape the pains of reality, but at the time it just didn’t feel… I don’t know “alive” I guess you could say. It felt like everything I created in there was asleep in someway: alive but not alive. For example: at the time I was a big Sonic fan, I loved all the characters, and I could pretty much name all of them. Most of my MD stories/fantasies at the time featured me hanging out with Sonic and his friends. In my mind the characters were there and they talked but they didn’t act like the way you see them in the games or the shows. They were bland, dull even, and not very lively. I believe this was a point were I was still figuring out how to give these characters the sorta “life essence” they needed for them to exist in my stories as actual fleshed-out characters. And what I liked doing was making sure they maintained what they usually were like in the shows/games, but adding bonuses/updates to their personality, like adding a bit more compassion and empathy. I didn’t have many friends when I was young and I think the daydreaming made up for that, even though my MD existed in that “dormant” state most of the time.
It was a couple years later during year 6 (as I like to call it) when my MD seemed to become more real and interesting, and it was the beginning of “my development” as a character within the stories and/or just my existence in those worlds in general. Suddenly I was making stories, but more importantly I felt like I was a part of them as a character. I still remember what I looked like in the MD World at the time, physically I looked the same as I did in the “real” world but maybe a bit handsomer. I wore a Jedi robe (from Star Wars) and wielded a lightsaber. And just a side-note, my personal attire in the MD World has changed many times since. Anyways, the point is thats when I started to develop more of a state of “presence” in my stories.
It was also at this time when I started “speaking out” bits of dialogue from my stories as I’m going through them in my head. Sometimes in class I would catch myself mumbling something I’m saying in the MD World when I’m supposed to be paying attention to whatever lecture is being given. I would also physically perform the actions I’m performing in the MD World from time to time, like outstretching my hand to take someone’s hand, or reach for my side to pull out my lightsaber. I find it fascinating how what I did in the MD World could almost sub-consciously be mimicked physically in the real world. It’s also this trait alone that caught my attention when reading the symptoms of someone who has Maladaptive Daydreaming.
So I imagine that this has been a long read for you all out there, and I thank you for taking the time to read my introduction/origin story. I’d honestly consider this my 1st written piece on this site, and I would like to write more in the future. I’m thinking of dedicating my next blog post to the “growth” of myself as a person through my MD, and how you almost live a “double-life” living between worlds. Anyways, thanks for reading and I’ll see you all later.