Mental Health Week

[Aquarius]

It's Mental Health Week, and about time I talked about some issues that have plagued me

Emotional abuse:

I realized a few days ago that this is the first time in my life where I dont have an emotionally abusive person in my life. My roommate moved out, and all of sudden it hit me, that I have been dealing with it for so long, its only now that I became aware of it. This scares me a little, that maybe I have a propensity to put up or choose or am unable to recognize emotionally abusive people. I always give 2nd chances

Avoidantly attached personality:

I read about this in detail today. This has to do with the fact that I don't let my emotions show at all. I'm the kind who has very hard letting people come close to me. I've been so good at putting up a facade that I have friends, who are clueless about other aspects of life (such as my interests, my family etc.) They called me pokerface at work, and then one day when i broke down it took 10 people to get me to my desk. I sometimes think I'm incapable of being in love. i'm 35 and I have no clue what romantic love feels like.

I was a bed-wetter, and in the 1980s parents, siblings, relatives, werent as understanding as they are today. My worst fear as a kid was one of my school friends finding out. That's how I learned shame.  I grew out of it by age 10. As a result, as a grown-up I never let friends come over to my house, alot of them noticed. I had a bedridden father, so i hid that or lied about it. Then he died, and life became all nice and good but i still feel embarrassed to call people over or worse introduce my family to them. My siblings are very accomplished, and pretty awesome. But that sense of shame, just won't go away.

Approval seeking behaviour:

The middle child is always craving for the parents attention. I now know why most of friends are men, why i was so eager to be the favorite of my male bosses- yup, no surprises, here. Lack of paternal attention, my father died without knowing any of my achievements. And I think this approval-seeking behavior has made me waste time on people who aren't even worth it. I am forever seeking a man's attention or approval- that's just dumb.

So this is me admitting that I have alot of work to do on myself. There are other things that I have left out. But now I'm setting myself free, and it feels great already

[Tinkerbell]

I'm glad to hear that your abusive roomate moved out, that must have been awful for you having to put up with someone like that in your personal space.

 

I'm glad top hear that you are addressing your issues, it will take time to get through and over them but in time things will be alot better asnd clearer for you.

 

While I was away from the site I saw a counseliour and we talked about so many issues which I have never meantioned to anyb0dy  before, it will still take me time to get over everything  but it helped.

 

Good luck on making yourself better. 

[Alyssa]

I'm glad to hear that you don't have an abuser right now! Don't think of it as something bad, just use it to improve in the future. :) Now that you recognize it for what it is, you'll know how to look out for it, you won't make the same mistake again. In the meantime, enjoy your life with a big stress dropped!

As for the avoidant personality, I totally get it.... All I can say is, honestly, just take the leap. You don't have to go about it the same way that other people do, just find people who are compassionate enough to understand. Society gives us this idea that we should be extroverts and show what we're thinking and feeling all the time, but half the population is introverts, so what about them (us)? You don't have to be exploding with emotion to open up to people, you just have to be willing to expose something about yourself. True friends won't care how you present it. That's how I got over so many of my issues, anyway.... That feeling of shame isn't going to go away if you keep nurturing it, and when you take the risk of putting yourself out there and actually get some positive feedback about who you are then your subconscious will learn through experience that it's okay to be you. At least, that's what I think.

I don't have the same unfortunate problems that you do with paternal attention, but I do have something similar just from society, which usually translates into just men for me too for libido reasons.... Male friends, always trying to impress, the works. I'm afraid I'm still figuring out how to get over that one as even though a lot of my insecurities are gone now it's really just a part of my personality.... I'll let you know if I figure something out though.

In the meantime, it's good that you're opening up about these things. :)