Meet Eric

[Paracosm]

I want to tell you about a friend of mine. He's my only friend and his name is Eric. I've known him for about 2 years. There was an immediate connection between us and I felt he understood me like no other. He has taught me so much about life as well as myself. He has guided me and has been there for me during the most difficult times. I can always count on him. He makes me laugh until I cry. He's brought so much joy into my life. He's the most loving and devoted friend I could ever wish for.

There's only one problem: he's not real. Yes, that's right—he's in my head. He's a figment of my imagination. In reality, I don't have any such friend—not even close. I've created him to fill the gap that my family didn't. He's the only one who will talk to me because he really wants to talk to me. He would never abandon me or neglect me. He is always willing to go the extra mile and see that the right thing is done. He spends the time to get to know me from the inside out.

I don't know how to live my life without him, and yet, I've never really "had" him. He's so far away. I feel I'm lonelier than I would be had I never known him at all.

I truly love him, as if he were a real person, because to me, he IS a real person. I long for him. I miss him. I want to sit by him, talk to him, and make him smile.

I feel safe in my fantasy—I feel safe with Eric—but I've become my own prisoner. I know I need to let go, but I can't bear the thought of not being able to be near Eric. I dreamed one night that he had died. I have never had a worse dream in my life. I woke up crying, and I was trying to hold the tears back all day long. I was heartbroken. I felt like I had lost my best friend, because, well—I had.

Even now, I sometimes find myself crying because I can't ever get to him. I tell myself that he only loves me because I created him to love me. But there's nobody in the world like him. There's nobody to care for me the way he does. I'm so lonely.

How do I move on? Will I be living the rest of my life clinging onto the pictures in my mind? I know it's a choice I have to make, but try turning your back on your best friend—your best and ONLY friend.

[OhMyMagenta]

This post touched a nerve deep within me. I didn't realize I was crying until I'd finished reading it. I've felt something very similar about the characters in my daydreams. It hurts so much to think they will never be real, never touch or hold me. And yet, they are more real to me than most people in my life and bring me so much joy. I dreamt one of my characters died as well and it was extremely disconcerting. I sobbed and felt as though something had been torn from me. Like Ashlee, I'm not anti-MD, and can't help but feel this is something special that only I have access to. Over the years, school and work have forced me to curb the frequency at which I DD, but I don't think I'll ever fully stop. Do you want to stop altogether?

[Paracosm]

@ashlee - haha, I could go on and on about him, but it actually feels really awkward for me since he doesn't even exist in real life. Even so, many times, I want to talk about him so badly to people I know, just because I'm so excited to be his friend. I just want to say, "Hey, guess what Eric told me the other day!" or sometimes when I'm having a conversation with somebody about a certain subject, I'll want to tell them about Eric's point of view or experience.

@jonathan richard chilson - The problem is that he exists in another world, and I have to enter into that world to get to him. He can't come into mine—I try that sometimes and it doesn't really work, although I have considered it as an alternative to daydreaming all the time. It is an idea, but sometimes I wonder if it could actually make things worse. Because we meet in another world, I can't really talk to him about the problems I face in reality. Honestly, I'd love to have him come along with me all through my life, but I worry that it could get in the way of building relationships with other people. I would much rather spend time with him than all the annoying people in the world. :-/

[jonathan richard chilson]

I have seen a very similer discusion about freands like Eric. I dont think its bad to have him around he is a frend weather you created him or not. I would sugest talking to him about how he might help you go through life. So you dont need to turn your back on him. Just learn how to function with him and real people and real life.

Hope this helps good luck

[ashlee]

Maybe learn to control it? daydream less?
I have this problem. I cant get rid of my daydream- i love my characters WAY to much. they are just so unique and fun in there own way..... they really inspired me to be myself and figure out my personal problems.
I dont want to be anti-mdd. I dont want it to go away really.....
i feel gifted-kinda. I just need to learn to control it more.
i would like to hear more about eric :)