Living with MDD

[Natali]

Its kinda hard to start a blog post, so I'll just skip it :) Basically, I'll just try to tell my story, mostly because I hope it can help someone.

I had MDD since I know about myself. Off course, back then I thought I was some kind of freak, since nobody knew what it was. I have tapes of my fourth birthday, shaking and daydreaming.

I know nobody knows a lot about this disorder, but I believe it started due to my bad childhood, I wont get into it, nobody wants to hear a sad story, let just say it was pretty bad.

But then again, can MDD be contagious? I'm kinda confused about this, since my cousin, which by the way had one of the happiest childhoods ever, had MDD too. I know this, because for years, we spent hours and hours daydreaming, shaking objects, creating stories, mostly about movies and books we've read. After a while, another girl joined us too... So we had like a MDD club :)

I felt so guilty, because since I was daydreaming while shaking objects, and making crazy faces, sometimes even speaking out loud, it was hard to keep it a secret from my family. I was visiting therapists, but nobody could tell me what it was- they just said - don't do it.

But the more I thought about not doing it, I wanted to do it more. It was not possible to quit, I got to attached to the stories, I was doing it in school, on classes, so everybody thought I was freak, and I had no friends at all.

Than, in seventh grade everything changed. I learned that, I cant quit, so I have to find  a way to cover it and live with it. I told everyone it was just a phase, I started to hide, and started writing. By the end of seventh grade, I wrote a book, and by the end of my fifteenth birthday, the book was published and became a hit with the teenagers. I became popular. I started going out, and everyone started to like me. So, in some way, reality became better, and closer to my other reality, the one I imagined while daydreaming.

I don't know when exactly my need to daydream stopped, but I know that if you think about it and try to stop it, you can't, its too hard. Instead, try to make the best of it, and instead of letting it control you, make the best of it.

During my faculty studies, I used to daydream too, sometimes I do it even now, but there is a huge difference. I use to to get ideas for my books, and also, if you can manage to implement your studying into your daydreaming fantasy, believe me, you can get the best results. Its hard to concentrate, yes, but if you can just make your daydreams about you succeeding, reading out loud the material imagining you answer an oral test, proving yourself, believe me, the studying is fun, and you learn so much faster. 

Today, I have several published books for children (those are the one that require creativity :) ), deals with publishers for more books, master degree, and a happy life. I still daydream, maybe twice a week, but only for 15 minutes, and only for things I would like to achieve.

So I guess my advice is to use the MDD in order to get cured from MDD. Don't let your self daydream about other things, daydream about things you can actually achieve, and then, try to achieve them. The moment where your life would get similar to your dreams, is the moment you wont need MDD anymore. Don't think about it as a problem, but as a gift, that can change your life. But only if you managed to control it. It worked for me :) 

[Amanda Lewone]

Such a great story...

People that dd and have discipline!!!! (ahh! Just awesome)

[Queen Dopamine]

I agree that MDD can be used to motivate yourself. I've done similar things that you and Bonnie have mentioned. My characters are super successful, talented, amazing people and it sometimes makes me jealous. So I channel that into my writing, my studies, work. Luckily, I've been able to get through college over the past 7 years (I go part-time and have taken a few semesters off here and there) because I don't often require that much studying--and when I do, it's intense studying and I'm able to retain it. Difficulty concentrating is my biggest weakness but I find that if I take small breaks in between milestone achievements in my studying or writing that it is helpful

[Bonnie]

Thank You. In a way that makes sense to me. I used to day dream of my self being popular in school because of high grades. i studied so hard for that to happen. Even today I am still an A student in varsity and believe my MDD pushed me in the right direction as far as my studies are concern.