It's ironic how life works

[Kristen]

There has always been an warrior standing watch over me.  To pick me up when I've fallen, set me on the right track, to worry about me, to love me unconditionally.  She stood there by my side as a friend but more importantly as my mother.  With such a wonderful bubbly personality its hard to believe that this dark, isolated child was hers. 

I can remember so many good times with her, driving to the store, spending way too much on a once in a while shopping trip, having her tell me what not to ware and then asking me if she looked good.  So many conversation are playing by my ear right now that this quite, little living room became alive with sound.  From serious times to happy times, our ups and downs.  Even our little fights over my room, because not cleaning it was the worse I possibly did, where she would guilt trip me over responsibility and even though it hurt and her words of anger pierced me hard, my pride and stubbornness refused to let it show.  I wonder if may be I should have told her that.  No, I think that would've been the last thing she wanted to hear.  So, I stuck with six simple words that said everything she needed to know.  'Its okay mom, I love you.'  She waited for others to tell her this, loved ones she lent her big, open heart too.  Even in this hour she's more concerned about not scaring anyone and for their last memory of her to be a good one. 

She left peacefully with one breath as her child hood friend and my father, her soul mate, stood by.  I was out with my aunt having a wonderful time.  I believe that's the way she wanted to go.  Knowing everyone was going to be okay, especially me, her baby.  I know for the past five years she worried about me and why I always locked myself in my room.  For months she would hound me to go out and have fun, 'live my life' she would say.  But I would just shut myself a little further into my dreamland before poking my head out for a little, then running back in. 

We'd still have wonderful girl nights together.  Went shopping, dinner, Find a Grave, bs'd about nothing and everything.  I hardly had any problems with others in my life but when I did, I knew I could turn to her.  She taught me about life, politics, to never judge too harshly but two of the most important things she taught me was to never be afraid no matter what everyone else says, and always do what's right not just what's easy.  I'll never forget her.  Her last wish for me was to get to a healthy state with my daydream.  That is my new life's goal. 

Yeah it's going to suck when I do need her or hell just wanna bs with her.  It's not going to be the same walking into that living room and not seeing her there on the couch, or listen to her and dad bicker then laugh latter.  But I'll make it through, and help those along the way.  Just like she would've. 

I don't know what's going to happen, hell I don't even know if ya'll wanted to read this.  All I know is that I wanted to commemorate her in every way possible. 

Love you mommy.  Hope your able to drowns some worms with Grandma Nine.   

[taffle]

It must be hard for you but glad to hear you're trying to stay positive.

[Dusty]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. It sounds like you are coping well, though. You sound very positive and independent. Thanks for the post!