Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I've read many MDer's stories on when and how it all started for them and many have no reason why. For years I wondered why I started my MD world and looking back I've come to realize it was because of my mum. She has Borderline Personality Disorder which included her suffering from severe paranoia. I wasn't allowed out much because she was scared of the outside world and kept me in and as close as possible. I'm an only child by the way, so she was very over protective. I developed a fear of the outside world because of her and became very unsociable. Now I experience anxiety when I go out, and sometimes bad panic attacks because of all the things she's put in my head over the years. I don't see my friends much anymore as she's pushed most of them Away, or should I say scared them away lol.
Anyway that's why I created my MD world, it's a place where I can control what and when things happen. I have nothing to fear there like I do here. I can experience fear there but it's all on my terms, unlike reality. Also where my mum had anger outbursts and all the other stuff that comes with BPD, it was a way of escaping the harsh reality at home. I still live with her and my MD world is a great thing sometimes, I can just disappear there when I want away from her for a while.
I don't know if I'm in the minority with why my MD started, I hope I'm not xxx