Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
A few weeks a young lady made comments about me that really hurt me and are the main reason I think I started daydreaming in the first place.
She says “we (her and the other three girls) are sometimes excited, we get angry we get irritable but you…you are always (she tries to find the right words…moving her hand horizontally across the air like a flat plane), you are always neutral.” She explains what she means. Throughout this I want to start crying. I know what she means. I know that I appear flat, with no emotions or personality on the outside even though I experience all emotions inside. I just can’t express it. Although I know this, I still feel extremely hurt when someone says this, especially in front of others. How am I supposed to respond to this. If I met someone like me I wouldn't comment on it or ask them “Can you get angry?” “ Can you shout” “Can you get excited”.
On a different day, I have had more time in the presence of this lady and she sets up her next series of question. “We are open books. We are always talking about our families, our boyfriends and stuff but you…you have said nothing. I mean you talk, BUT never about your life. We know nothing about you. Can you tell me something about your mom?” After the whole we are open books and you are closed, she asks me to tell them something and when I say I don’t know what to say she says, tell us about your mom. Now I am embarrassed, hurt and thinking about all the negative emotions I’ve felt my entire life about being alien. And I must now compose some sentences about my mom.
I am aware of all the things she feels she needs to point out me.
I am so aware of them that my brain as a child must have decided to create a world where I am open, friendly, emotional, outgoing and all other good things.
I have been trying to quit for several years now. I have been more successful lately.
Eretaia’s post about daydreaming being about not wanting to be yourself is especially true for me. (see “Yes, you can cure Maladaptive Daydreaming” under discussions section of this website). Although I have been successful at reducing dd, I have increased other forms of entertainment…meaning that I still avoid real life as before. My success has been through brute force rather then tacking the real or deeper issues.
I need to either