I'm back :)

[Elizabeth]

Hello all. Its been a while since I've posted/commented anything on here. Last time I was here, I was planning a wedding, about to move into a new house and I was working at my aunt's Docotors office. I think it was almost two years ago.....eeesh. I don't know if anyone remembers me or remembered chatting a little with me but from what I saw on here a lot of people come and go for different periods of time.

I still get email notifications when people post in groups I'm apart of and I did look and read some of what others were talking about. I just had SO much going on that I kind of tried to stay away because I get obsessive about new things and was on here quite a bit and felt that I needed to pull back because it made me think about my MDing...then I would MD some more....but anyways. I do feel that I still want to talk/discuss things with people that TRULY (and I mean TRULY) know what I struggle with on a daily basis.

So.... I am married :) Since October 20th, 2012 and it went very well. Better than I expected; people danced, good food, nobody spilled/broke/ripped anything and the weather was good. It was a rare time when reality was good! We live in a nice brick house and I am now doing Insurance for my aunt (which I HATE and I believe is a HUGE source for some low points i've been hitting... but more on that later)

I know a lot of people on here are/were worried about dealing with MD and being married. I was terrified! I think I mentioned it on here. I told him everything before we got married and he listened and was very understanding. It hasn't been bad at all. I have times when I'm alone that I am able to do it. And we've even arranged some times occasionally for me to do it, i.e. he'll use that time to play the xbox or watch something i'm not into and I'll go in the bedroom for a while. And he texts me when he's on his way home or back from a family member's house so I won't be "surprised" by his entrance. I had serious issues with being "caught". I didn't want him to see me.

So I just wanted to share that dealing with MD with my husband has gone really well and he has been very understanding about it. If anyone wants to ask any questions about it, I'm happy to talk about how we sort of worked it out. :) Well I hope to share more soon but this is pretty lengthy, I just wanted to get it out. Actually sort of anxious about sharing after its been so long. But I hope to be around a little more often.

[Agent53]

Congrats for ur marraige :)

[Anita Buckingham]

Hi! My therapist did some research and showed me from a Dr.'s point of view what MDD was all aobut. TO me this was so freeing. When I started talking about my sexual abuse it did nothing to know that there were many others that experienced the same thing. But with this I was almost in an elated state of shock. Finally I wasn't weird. It took a lot for me to open up and disscuss this with her but I felt continuing this behavior was in direct conflict with me World View of Christianity. I felt ashamed, guilty, and worst of all unworthy of Gods love. It's a vicious cylce. I would feel bad abouth something, or overwhlmed and I would enter my MDD, then I would feel unworthy and then couldn't approach god, which of course led me back to the safety of MDD. I know where the unworthyness comes from now and I am trying to remember that GOd knows I struggle with this and why and that there is nothing I can do to change my worthiness in his eyes. How cool is my GOd? It's a step by step process but I hope what I have to say can help someone. Thanks

[Elizabeth]

Thank you! I've recently hit some lows, mostly brought on by job/career related stress and just feeling lost on that aspect. Which has brought my MD back with a vengeance. Which leads to some depression.... which leads to more MD...its really just a vicious cycle. So I decided to try and connect on here again. The one thing that is really great is my marriage and I also wanted to come on here to help or talk to others who were worried or anxious about relationship stuff. I might can give a little of my own personal insight.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

I'm so glad you have such a nice and understanding husband.  Congratulations on everything!