I guess I've got a name for it now . . .


I'm Ana, a sixteen year-old, and before today I firmly believed I had a weird variation of ADD, and was somewhat gifted with an overly vivid imagination. However, after googling my symptoms (something I, to some extent, regret) I found out I might have MD. Actually, I'm pretty certain of it . . .


Contrary to some people I can say I've had this "issue" for as long as I can remember. Since a toddler, I remember being able to go into my imaginary world - where I was a power ranger, or where I saved Peter Pan, again and again. Nobody saw that as an issue. After all, I was a three-year old. Running up and down aimlessly was normal. I thought so too.


The first time I noticed something wasn't quite so well with me was in kindergarden when I got grounded for pushing a boy - who was driving a weird plastic tricycle - to the ground. Thing is, I don't remember doing it, I was in my world and didn't see he was in my way. That was the moment I learnt I had to control my daydreams in public and that "daydreaming" was something I could only do at home.


Also, in Kindergarden I was diagnosed with ADD, by my "teacher"/care-taker. My parents never went to a doctor to confirm it, always believing whatever I had was due to it. Well, my mother and I believed so, my Dad always thought me having "something wrong" was ludicrious.


I've never had any trauma that could've led me to this either. When young my parents emigrated, but I know I had been doing this before. And while I might have felt stressed after moving I don't believe it caused the problem. I actually think It toned it down. In my new "home" I had a cousin my age I could play with and didn't feel as bored. I often told my Mom I went to "my world" when I was bored . . .


As I grew older people - especially my grandparents, with whom I lived with - told me 'running around doing crazy faces' wasn't normal and I should stop it. I did. To them. In fact I started "ridding bicycle" in the safety of my garden. There, where nobody thought of my activities as weird, I would still daydream.


Eventually I stopped the farce. I think it was when I got sick and couldn't ride bicycle  . . . the point is, my family learnt to accept it. And I learnt how to call it "ADD". I never "run around" in public and I can stop for two-weeks, when I go on holiday with friends/other family, while feeling perfectly fine. I believe it's because I'm having fun enjoying real life. However during the third week (I've never stopped for a longer period of time) I get extremely cranky and need to sometimes isolate myself - in the restroom, in the bedroom - and go into my daydreaming zone. Even if my movements and immersion state is much lower. 


I guess I can see why some call this an addiction.


Academically I've always known how to control it. Until now. I'm a junior in a Sciences course and because of the stress I'm subjected to I've spiraled out of control . . . I can't stop daydreaming, I can't focus, I can't study, I get anxiety attacks, I hate myself for not being able to stop, to FOCUS.


Today I was googling into ADD again, trying to see if someone had the same problem, and I found about MD. I felt myself nodding towards all the symptoms and then had an hysteria attack after showing it to my mother who agreed with the symptoms. I felt hysterical because I knew this is what I have, I knew I no longer could call it ADD, but some weird mental problem that isn't recognized by the medical community and I felt scared.


I realized daydreaming really has become an addiction to me and is stopping me from living life, from studying and from focusing on my work. 


After googling more into the subject I felt my anxiety rise, because, while I somehow felt relieved there where people like me, really like me (up till now I was somewhat scared I was the only one . . . I know. Ha!), I also found a lot of people self-diagnosing themselves with MD when they seem to have a mild case of daydreaming and I felt I myself was diagnosing myself with an "invented" disorder.


Except, for me, it's real. I feel I've lost the credibility in having a issue, a real issue, like I supposedly had with ADD (even though I never really had true ADD symptoms). Am I making sense?


Before today I'd never seen daydreaming as a bad, but as wonderful. I always felt so, so lucky to be able to have such a vivid imagination, be there, see it. Sometimes I saw my ideal-self and variations - and ideal-self with problems, might I add. . . Other times I imagined stories with other characters, some characters of my own, and characters from books, movies, etc . . .


But today, after realizing I had MD and it was affecting my life, I kept feeling guilty and horrible and stupid and self-conscious that my grade dropping is MY FAULT. I don't know . . . I feel confused.


Also, I do agree writing is a great outlet, though I never type my daydreams down. I can never replicate them without getting frustrated. However, It does make me occupied, though I don't find it a cure. Just something I love to do which stimulates my creativity. Yeah, I'm a teen fanfiction addict. ^__~


Okay . . . this post is confusing. I hope somebody understood whatever I tried to say. I hope I'm not the only one.




P.S. I also have OCD. I'm clinging to it, since it's "accepted" in the medical community. I'm just pointing that out since I found a lot of people with MD tend to have OCD too. AND I apologize if I'm not doing this right, or posted in the wrong place. Also, sorry for mixed up tenses and typos. English is not my mother-tongue.


Views: 55


You need to be a member of Wild Minds network to add comments!

Join Wild Minds network

Comment by Anaa on February 15, 2011 at 10:29am

Firstly, I'd like to say "Thank you" for the kind words and warm welcome. So, thank you.

Secondly, the day I wrote this post I was confused and stressed due to my exams (which haven't yet ended and didn't go all that well). In my country we have them now and then again in June . . . they're not exactly the same though. I was also paranoid because I was feeling down and actually believed I had a problem in my hands.


Mostly I think I felt at loss because I finally realised I didn't have ADD. Up till now, for me, my addiction was a secondary affect due to ADD and since it's a well researched disorder and many successful people have it I felt that I too could succeed in real life. (That doesn't mean I can't now, anyway, I'm rambling!)


But anyway, I always knew I didn't 'really' have ADD.


Now that I'm calmer, I can admit that I don't really consider my MD a problem. Sure I procrastinate due to it, but never to an extreme. I always procrastinate more in front of the computer than in my "other worlds"/dimensions. And until now I always felt I have my MD at an "controlled" state. 


This doesn't mean I'm not addicted, because I definitely am. But, for now, it doesn't affect my real life and real relationships (much . . . ) .


 Still, I'm looking forward to talk and learn more about people 'like me'. I'll try to be here more often. ^__~


Knowing more about this condition would be certainly interesting.

Comment by Gemma on February 10, 2011 at 8:08am

ive only just discovered MD myself recently and was relieved to find that i wasnt the only one and that it was starting to be recognized.

I thought that there was something wrong with me because i was cutting myself off from the world and daydreaming alot. It has effected my life mostly because i havent found the right balance for myself when i tried to stop daydreaming it effected me sometimes more then when i was still daydreaming. I found my school and college work suffered because of it and it has also contributed to me losing my job recently, but before i discovered it i thought it was all me and that it was my fault for messing my life up.

I do still believe though that having MD is a gift, i am thankful for having such a strong imagination but i find its just important to try and find a health balance.

I hopfully it will soon be offically recognized so there will be more support out there for all of us.

Comment by Cordellia Amethyste Rose on February 6, 2011 at 2:24pm

I rambled so much that my comment got cut off.  The last line was:

Embrace your mind.  Know that you can't be normal and be extraordinary.  

Comment by Cordellia Amethyste Rose on February 6, 2011 at 2:23pm

This is the perfect place to post it.  If everyone creates new discussions that are just their feelings then it'll hide other discussions that are really discussions.  There's no right or wrong way to blog.  Just say whatever you feel.


Secondly, I didn't make this site so people would think they're all sick.  That's not the point.  Daydreaming isn't bad.  In fact, it can be very healthy.  It IS creative.  Definitely embrace that creativity.  Use it.  This goes to show that too much of ANYTHING can cause problems.  I mean of all the things in this world you can do THINKING is probably one of the best.  I know a lot of people in this world who could stand to think a little more.  


We're not sick, and we're not defective.  We're addicted to our own creativity.  That's a wonderful, unique trait.  Like any good thing, too much of it can cause a negative effect on our lives.  We just have to be careful, so it doesn't spiral out of control.  In the meantime, embrace it.  


Why is it better to embrace OCD just because it's "known"?  I understand the feeling that you may have a "made-up" condition.  That's how I felt most of my life, too.  What came first, though, the chicken or us figuring out what it was and calling it a chicken?  Everything exists long before anyone puts a name on it.  This isn't a disease, defect, or even disorder.  It may get called a disorder just so doctors will learn to understand it and people who need help can get it.  Try not to get hung up on that.  In reality, it's all a bunch of adjectives.  


This condition, disorder, way of being, trait, WHATEVER you want to call it has wonderful positives and some terrible downsides when it gets out of control.  Do what you will with it.  Just please don't judge yourself, as I guarantee you that will only make it worse.  If you focus on the negatives then that's all you're going to experience.  


Embrace your min

© 2024   Created by Valeria Franco.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

G-S8WJHKYMQH Real Time Web Analytics