I Don't belong In this world

[Vendetta_Crazzed]

Hello...

So i just got to let this out. I don't want to stop DDing, ever. It's like its who I am. I've been DDing since as long as i can remember even a toddler. When i was about 3 or for I told my mom about "my world" of course im a little kid she thought This was normal to play and pretend and talk to imaginary friends. But now I'm 20... and my 'world' is still there.. Of course she doesn't know this. around 8 years old i realized I wasnt normal.

anywho, to the point. I've been stuck in the same 'set' or world with the same characters since i was 10. over the past few years i did not want to give up this world. my real life was shit and i just didnt want to be here. i figured that if i ever gave up daydreaming and came out of my depression  it would be all better. i wouldnt want to daydream id accept life for what it is and move on happily.

so a few years later i gave up MD got an awesome job and awesome bf (soon to be fiance' :)" and life is looking great. no more depression, no more hurt. everything is 'normal' and great and I cant think of anything else I could possibly want in this life!

It f*cking sucks.

There is a void inside of me where this world is. Nommatter how great thing are in this life It does not replace whats inside my head. the stupid part? whats inside my head is not nice. im prettier and all that material stuff but my idealized verson of myself is one i would never in my nightmares ask for in my real life.  my dd's are not even about me!its the characters and relationships. why am i not satisfied with the great ones in my real life??? everything is amazing this MD should have gone away but it's not! I wish I could just close my eyes and go into this world and stay there forever. Its the only time i feel truly complete. everyday waking up and remembering that what's in my head can and will NEVER be hurts so bad. I Feel so empty. 

I feel selfish for not being satisfied with my loving parents, friends, bf and all the great things that have come to me.

I have a feeling that even if my life was totally perfect, if someone said "do this and you can stay in your other world for good" I wouldn't hesitate for a second.

[Floris]

It sounds as if you've cut off a part of yourself lately, your fantasy life, to succeed in the real one and be accepted. And that this is the backlash. You need to find a way to give that fantasy life enough space. Usually that ends up being something creative, that could be shared with the rest of the world. So that it would be in SOME way, real. The boredom of real life may weigh too much on you now. All those things that should be wonderful may feel like betrayal to yourself, like a blatant lie. Seems you still need an outlet. Or may you were keeping your DD-ing like a dirty little secret with no one to talk about it (except here). No need to share everything in real life, but the fact that you're a dreamer, may be one of the reasons why your fiancé fell in love and proposed. Because it's a wonderful thing.

What is your idealized version of yourself and what is not nice about what is in your head? And what is different about the relationships and the characters on which you focus? Are these things you can talk about with your fiancé? 

[Vendetta_Crazzed]

ya sometimes i feel like there's more to this then just like some psychological issue. but ohwell :/

[greyartist]

"I feel selfish for not being satisfied" 

wow, I couldn't have said it better myself. I feel that way too. 

"whats inside my head is not nice"

yep, that too. I don't understand it either. Why the pull to be somewhere else? someone else?