Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Hi. So I'm the ZO part of this account. My buddy NE has already posted her tragic backstory (Kitty, I'm gonna talk to you later 'bout that), so I figured I might give mine. Not that I think anyone will care, but ya never know.
BTW I will probably refer to myself as Pixie instead or ZO, so...
Anyway. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
Sorry, got side tracked. In about seventh grade, I finally got around to reading Harry Potter. I know, what took me so long? I was told it was scary and foolish me believed people. But I read it and loved it a lot. So much that I found myself daydreaming.
Now, ya might think, "Oh, daydreams, okay, whatever." But here me out. Ready for the Shocker?
That was four years ago.
I remember every single daydream I've ever had since my first Harry Potter daydream.
And no, I don't have a photographic memory normally. Just daydreams.
Imagine a Netflix account. Scroll through, pick a TV show. That's a broad daydream topic. Now pick a season. General time of year daydream took place in. Pick an episode. That is one specific daydream. I can go back and "rewatch" daydreams, if I focus enough.
So, anyway, Harry Potter is followed by Percy Jackson and more books. Basically I read an entire middle school library to fuel these wonders called daydreams.
Then I discover something called Minecraft. I could probably bore you for days with that. I'll save that for another time.
Around that time is when I discovered Kitty (the NE of this account), along with Death, Wolf, and Artsie. Don't ya love the nicknames we give each other?
So we hang out, become best buds, life's cool. Then, the summer before the start of high school, everything changes...
Welllllllll... not everything. It's more of me being antisocial and not talking to anyone over summer break. I'm still stuck in la la daydream land.
Freshman year, not much change going on. Just more dreams, more triggers, the usual.
Towards the end of the year, Kitty shows me something. It's this project for heath class. It's a research paper on MDD.
I look through it, go home, read more about it, take about twenty-five quizzes on it, all of them saying the same thing. "Congratulations! You have a mental disorder most people don't know about or believe in!"
My sister didn't believe me. My cousins didn't believe me. I doubt my parents will. They're just gonna say "Oh, you're a teenager. It's just a phase. You'll get over it." They have no idea.
Fast forward a bit. My friend shows me a TV show. To say I became obsessed is a huge understatement. I'm slightly afraid to say it, but this show is Doctor Who.
I know! Don't hate me! But I love it. I have been feeding it to my daydreams for almost a year now. That's the longest I've gone on one topic. I love it because I can incorporate so many things into it. Literally anything in time and space!
So that brings me to the now. Hiding in a basement telling you something I have been terrified to say out loud for four years. My big bad secret.
You may not see it as a bad thing, I mean, it's like a super power. Going to different worlds and meeting cool people and going places normal people see as fiction. It's great!
But, I feel bad about it. I'm not afraid to admit that I am a good student. Straight A's, love school. But I am terrified. I don't know how this will affect me in the real world. I am slowly liking school less and less and spending more time in dreamland. And I'm scared.
One way that I have been told to deal with MDD is to write stuff down. I want to, I really do. But, my mind runs too fast for my pencil to write or my fingers to type. Also I think my parents would be concerned if they found my stories. And no, they are not rated R, you dirty minded being.
But here's the thing. I want to be a writer when I grow up. And I mean like, TV scripts and movies and books that people actually read. But I don't tell people that. I tell them I want to be an architect or an astronomer or a programmer. Because that's who they see.
My friends never see the me in my mind. They only see the smart girl who somehow knows how to fix every social issue in the world. The girl who smiles and laughs and has a bunch of friends.
I scare myself. I am scared of myself. My biggest fear is myself. No one knows that. The dark hiding in the corners of my mind, taking control and forcing me to play out characters in situations and demanding to be fed the songs and books and movies. I can't help but being scared. Wondering if the dark in the corner will someday step out of the corner and demand the entire room. Or if it will calmly walk out the door and visit it's next victim.
On that happy note, I leave you. I don't know if I will post again, but I've been stressed lately. I needed to get that rant off me. So, if my life story is inspirational for you, I hope you go look at some other stuff. Cuz trust me, this is not inspirational.