Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
so mostly in my mds the characters are me or bollywood version of me, and all the people i know. they are just sort of watching everything that is happening. mostly they are people with whom i have recently tackled except my ex of course! like the ones i recently met or the ones i had a conversation with online. things like there...(so let me call these people plus-people, with whom i tackled lately or something happened with them )
and mostly my mds include me winning a football match for my team and everyone(plus-people) watching, i am with a girl which i love and she loves me back and we are doing something cute together at public place and plus-people watching, me meeting my ex and having a conversation(surprisingly no one watching me there),or any conversation that went wrong the previous day/week/month repeats itself over and over in many different ways that it could be(in each conversation i am winning, people are understanding exactly what i am trying to say, and more importantly i am saying what i want to say, i dont only feel my feelings but everyone else's feelings to towards me)
thats it mostly
i dont miss my ex, i miss my friend which i lost in her, the friend to which i could say anything to without the fear of being judged, and now i dont have anyone to whom i can convey my true emotions or feelings. but thats okay. that doesnt bothers me much. still i hated the way she ended the things, but i really want nothing from her now, not even a conversation with her-thats what i keep MDing about. coz when the things ended she wasnt the person i confided into, or the person i loved. thats why the things ended..duhh! but maybe i want to talk to a previous version of her the one into which i confided. the one which i trusted and loved. and really do fear that i will never meet anyone and fell the same about her. that thought makes me sad. maybe to coverup that fear i md about her, maybe.and importantly, no one is watching me unlike my other mds where people are watching, i dont know what that means though. i dont wanna impress others with her or something maybe. but thats it with my ex
then major md is about an imaginary girl with whom i would walk and all other plus-people would watch me. what can that tell about me. i want to impress them that i too am capable of getting myself a girlfriend? i can be loved too? what is that i am hiding beneath this md. a love partner not only signifies a love partner but it kind of makes me fall higher in the 'food chain' its like i am better than you. maybe i feel insecure that other people are better than me. they are much more charming, they know how to talk, they also look good, they have a better personality than mine. and i don't admit that but that does bother me. i kind of unintentionally always compare myself to other on the basis of looks, academic results, relationships, social skills, etc etc. and i also think that they are better than me. but i cant help it. its something i feel. i cant control my feelings. i feel much small when i think of them. they are like better than me in everything. and sometimes there are people i think which lie below than me in the 'food chain' i kind of unintentionally frown upon them. its like i am better than you. i dont know why i compare myself. i wish i didn't do that. well lets go back to the MD, me and a girl and cute romantic things and plus-people watching. it MDed when i listened to a song mostly, this MD. so i reduced my music time. hmmm... plus-peolpe just watch they dont do anything, i dont feel thier emotions too like in other MDs. it all brings me feeling that they are all having much more respect for me. they are looking upon me with 'wow' eyes.
the other major MD is football match MD. football is one thing which i am good at. and in football only i can actually beat everyone i know in r