Hello, Again. I've Missed You All. (Remember Me? I'm The One With All The Rants.)

Um... Hey,

It's been a while since I've been on this site. A lot of you probably don't even know who I am. I'm Lizzie... A few months ago, I spent a lot of time lurking this site. I had just found out that my living nightmare had a name, MD, and reading the blogs and posts of others helped me understand that I was not alone. I wanted to talk to everyone, and post regular blogs and comments. Yet, life got in the way.

A lot has changed for me since I was last on here. I turned 18, and moved to University...  I'm living in an apartment style dorm room, with the best roommates one could ever ask for. I'm happier than I've ever been, even with all the stresses that my new freedom has brought along.

But it is now, when I am just beginning this beautiful chapter of my life, that I am running back into your arms. I thought with the change of environment and with the busiest school schedule I've ever had, I'd be able to push my daydreams to the side and concentrate on the real world. I thought I could win, and I did for a while. For the first two weeks, I didn't daydream at all. I spent time with my roommates, studied for my classes, and had fun. I knew that I couldn't daydream as I normally did, now that I shared a room with strangers. I couldn't pace and talk to myself, because what kind of first impression would that make?

I thought I was finally done with MD. I had a moment of pure happiness, that for once came from the real world and not my imaginary one. But I was so wrong. My classes are becoming more difficult, I'm being pushed outside of my comfort zone, and the stresses are piling up.

Stress is nothing new to me. I can deal with it. I have a magic trick. Whenever I feel to stressed, all I have to do is put on a pair of headphones and use the music to drown myself back into my imaginary world. And poof, the stress is gone.

Now, I keep finding myself reaching for my headphones. I keep closing the door, and making sure my roommates are all out. I slowly pace up and down the room, whispering to myself. I've done this for as long as I can remember, and it's always worked. Why stop now?

My problem is that I keep forgetting that I'm no longer alone. I keep slipping. My roommates have caught me talking to myself several times already, and my pacing is becoming impossible to hide. I'm worried of what they think of me. Do they already think that I am mad?

I'm not sure what to do, as of right now. But I'm not giving up just yet. My mom told me just before I moved out that "This is everything you have ever wanted.", and it is. I've daydreamed for years about living at school, and I finally am. Oh, I really hope I don't mess this up.

So, to clear things up, I'm not back to ask for help and advice. I know that's hard to give. I'm back to rant. I'm back to share my life stories (real and imaginary) with the only people who can understand.

I love you, guys. I LOVE YOU. You are all like my family... a gigantic, discombobulated family. You are the only ones I feel safe sharing these secrets with. The only ones who can understand and relate. I've missed you all, and I'm glad to be back. I can't wait to get to know you even better.

Love,

Lizzie (The One With Long Ranting Blog Posts With Even Longer Titles)

<3

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Comment by Cordellia Amethyste Rose on September 19, 2012 at 12:16pm

Welcome back!  We're here for you whenever you need us.  :)  

Comment by taffle on September 19, 2012 at 7:47am

Welcome back! I was in the same situation as you, but it didn't turn out well. During my first year of uni, I lived in the dorm and I had little or no privacy. I wanted to talk to myself and do the things that I do at home, but I just couldn't because I was scared that the girls will think I'm weird. I was kind of stressed out at certain times, and I turn on music. Eventually, I gave in to the pressure and just started talking to myself. At first, I lowered the volume of my voice and thought no one could hear me. But I was wrong; I heard other girls talking about me, and some of them even laughed. They realized I was talking to myself. I felt like a freak and was so embarrassed. I got angry and things went downhill from there. Now, I'm back home and things have never been better. I also saved a lot of money because living in the dorm/on campus is very expensive compared to living at home.

Comment by greyartist on September 19, 2012 at 5:46am

hehe, welcome back Lizzie :)

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