Where wild minds come to rest
Hi. I am obviously new to this site. Not really all that great at introductions(even in this cyber-reality known simply as the internet).
Uh....I have been trying to really figure out just what is wrong with me(mentally) ever since I was about 15. Yesterday, I think I was on the verge of a major nervous-breakdown. I only ate once the whole day at night and did not shower until way late at night(which is unusual for me even if I feel weak from my physical illnesses, because I normally shower every single day at least once). But somehow I pulled myself together and snapped out of the funk(no pun intended) even,if its only temporary, it feels so good. I also should owe it to my therapist, who took two whole hours out of her demanding schedule just to speak to lil' ol', meek-looking me over the phone.
I am so relieved to know I have SOMEONE in my boxing ring corner, to speak to about things I would never ever dare repeat to another soul(except on this site, apparently).
The end of our unnecessarily drawn out conversation, is what I recall the most. I reported to her, for the first time ever telling a human besides myself out loud, that I fantasize ALL the time, nonstop. This is not an exaggeration. I am dead serious.
But after looking into it, I kinda feel like her hypothesis of what my diagnosis(or diagnoses) may be more incorrect than correct. She thinks I may have schizoaffective disorder with other co-morbid conditions like depression, bipolar, OCD. I think the latter sounds about right, but after discovering the term maladaptive daydreamer and its definition, I beg to differ such a suggestion.
I say that because, this site as well as others on the topic of maladaptive day dreaming, explained that fantasy prone daydreamers(a term used in synonymous with the former) said people such as this do not exhibit typical behavior in individuals who unfortunately have conditions such as shcizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, or any type of psychosis.
Then I read that those daydreaming "disorders"(if you can call them that ) are not in the diagnostic manuals, that psychiatrists/psychologists strictly follow. So it does make since how easily misdiagnosed people are based on a mistake.
I think part of the reason I received what I believe to be a faulty diagnosis in the past(paranoia schizophrenia) is because I exhibited similar behavior. I think I was suffering from confusion, at its best, due to the immense toxic build-up from my failing kidneys not doing their job and cleaning it up(which resulted on me being on dialysis at the age of 21 :( )
But I still do not have all the definite answers of my "problem(s)." But the way I see it, its a start in the right direction. To get over my funk(again, no pun intended), one thing that definitely helped also, was writing a short-term goal list and narrowing it down based on the subject(like videogames, manga, anime e.t.c.) of everything I want to accomplish through out my day so I don't get overwhelmed again. And it really helps. But I need to end this super long entry now since I need to get prepared to get off this dialysis machine.
Um. I sure hope to get along ok with most of the folks on here. I mean no one is perfect and there are always people who will find me unpleasant, but its fine. That is what makes us human right?
Sorry if this was way too long. K, bye-bye. ;)