Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I have been wondering about this for as long as I can remember.
Nothing helps to ease this anxiety that most people are jerks, argumentative, and critical of every fiber of my being mainly because of pure jealousy about something that has to do with me or they think that I feel like I am superior to them and they are not worth my time. I don't know. But whatever the case, ALOT of people I come across, whom I never even seen before, really seem to have it out for me.
For instance, earlier this evening, I called for my cab to return to my lovely residence from dialysis. Everything was really going well, up unto the point I had to actually carry a conversation. Just seems like when people are involved, something will always upset me. The dispatcher, an overly obnoxious-sounding female, unfortunately took my call. I gave her all the info she requested from me(and the way she did it was so very informal and unprofessional, I actually wanted to laugh....not sure if I should feel guilty or not, but these are my honest feelings on that matter) when suddenly she stopped me mid-sentence to reveal a nonsensical policy unbeknownst to me that I could not return back home through this cab service tonight ONLY because I failed to state that I needed a voucher trip at the very beginning of our "conversation." Funny thing is before I could even tell her that is what I wanted, she demanded of my phone number as soon as my call was unluckily received by this...woman.>.> And I never had a chance to even state that I wish to request a voucher trip back to my residence. In fact, she even called this trip a medicaid trip and admitted that is the same thing when I asked. Plus, she knew who I was since I was brought to dialysis by the same company. So then I asked to speak with her supervisor to which she actually declined. She is the only dispatcher of this company to give me this issue whenever I request to be taken back home. No one else has ever told me that I could not speak to the manager. I kept my cool about it though. With a happy-go-lucky kind of voice I said, "Ok. I'll keep that in mind next time. And I'll see what I can do from here."
Then I hung up and called back to try to get a "better" dispatcher than the previous. As I sat on hold for what seemed to be an ethereal eternity, a woman(I honestly swear it was the same one I just spoke to) answered and said, "Please hold, Sir." Aside from her obvious rudeness(I'm definitely not a sir >.>), I would have overlooked this if she never ever spoke to me before. I get it. I got the deepest voice in the world, so people will usually assume I am a man over the phone. But I just spoke to this...woman(trying not to call her out her name on here :D).
So lucky for me my cab magically seems to appear from some black hole warped through space and time. The driver comes in to get me, which I thought was very courteous, especially considering the fact that many of them do not.
I had this guy before but he really ticked me off because I tried to ask him for a little info as to whether or not the cab manager of the company he drives for, works that late in the evening. And he laughed and laughed as if this were indeed the funniest sitcom inside joke he has ever heard in his entire existence! :[
I tried to explain the misconception of a talk that occurred between the dispatcher and I prior to his pickup and he just laughed his head off like I passed gas and made it sound like the Japanese alphabet or something(although that would be kinda funny actually in the right situation I suppose :s). Even as I raised my voice out of anger he kept laughing and tried to keep this minuscule act of light-halfheartedness going but I cut him off like a bad habit, telling him to just forget it and then I proceeded to listen to some Final Fantasy music.
When I arrived home, which also seemed to take a millennium, he attempted to suddenly offer me some advice after I said my polite farewells simply out of good manners. But I declined to his advice with a lie about having to use the bathroom very badly and ran into my house, leaving a faint "goodbye" to vaporize into nothingness.
I was also afraid he would make a u-turn to get out of my 'hood to which he would try to get me yapping about my dad's dog when I took her outside to use the bathroom. Thank goodness this did not take place, I would not have known what to say.
I think most "normal" people could easily brush this off and totally go about the rest of their day without ever in their life thinking about it. But not I. I keep generating possible scenarios I could have took instead of this one. But all of them end with uncertainty and unease and wretched, oh wretched, heart-wrenching anxiety.
To say the least, this was not the worst day I have had or anything. It was just an example of how I can be in high spirits just to be shot down like a duck trying to fly with her flock away from the hunters, by haters.....Haters, why ya'll hatin' on me so....that's all I wanna know, yo....
I'm gonna focus on two things here. That this is just an example as you said and it upsets you very much. Which I can DEFINITELY relate to, as large amount of my DDs are about re-living actual upsetting scenarios with various ends. I find that acting out helps very much. You feel frustrated but you are too polite to do something about it? Tell them to f*** themselves. You'll feel better.
Second thing: the second paragraph: I feel you. Really. I am such a nice person and come accross people all the time who think they can talk down on me, who feel superior, and most of the time I am treated like a kid even by strangers! They call me nicknames like we're family or something... and I happen to know that I know things better but most of the time (as I am the intelligent one!!) I don't say a word about it and it's horrible. I keep thinking about this: 'The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.'
The dispatcher lady's mother has Alzheimers. Everyday when Dispatcher LAdy goes home , there her mother is with the house turned upside down. She forgets she has a daughter and thinks she's a thief. Dispatcher Lady's ex calls her after she's put her mother to bed, he says he needs some more cash becoz their son, well he wants these expensive things. Dispatcher lady is tired, she sits infront of the TV dzes off.
In the morning, the mother has once again tried to set the kitchen on fire. She takes her mother to the mergency, the nurse there chides Dispatcher Lady for not ensuring that all the medication had been adminstered to the patient. The Nurse implies that Dispatcher Lady may not be a good child to her parent.
Dispatcher Lady then sets off to work, and she receives your call..
Cab Driver did a brief stint in jail. It wasnt his fault really, but he got through it without complaining. His kid brother can't seem to figure out his life despite the fact he only has to look at his older brother to know that change can start anyday any minute if you just decide. He cries, he complains, he misses the parents, his girlfriend might break up with him- Cab driver can't understand why he wont listen. Just for once, just one piece of advice for him to absorb. The cycle just never ends. The Cab driver feels useless, why can't he help his own kid brother.
And then you get into his cab...
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